My friend that gave me that book said the same thing to me, then told me to come here. She said she wished she had gotten to me before I lost it yesterday. Because believe me, I LOST it. I was shocked at myself tbh afterwards. And exhausted. I don;t have the stamina for that sort of thing.
I dont feel like doing anything today but lay around and cry. if I could eat icecream I would. gallons of it. Ive been reading some of the posts here. Some of them make me cry harder and some I don't understand. But pain is pain. that at least I do understand.
*** If i start to think there is someone else I will lose my mind for certain. go ahead and say it...denial. I can start keeping a notebook. I wondered that too, how could he love me and write a letter like that. I dont know. I couldnt. But I know he did. I just dont know what happened. And Im sure I pushed him away completely yesterday. Altho, I guess he is about as far away as he can get atm.
I dont feel like I have anything to tie me to him. We have no children and he is so far away...... I feel so lost. I was reading about getting a life but that doesnt really seem to apply to me. I had to do that when he went overseas or I would have gone nuts. I work and go out with friends. Volunteer at the battered womens shelter once a week. Read , and play my guitar. I got a new puppy 2 weeks ago and she takes a lot of my time up. My cat hates the puppy, but at least hasnt eaten it yet. SO I walk her, which is helpful for my recovery. Im babbling.
edit 2.. yes he is an artist and travels to remote places that doesnt always have service. Before he left I used to go with him on trips and we sometimes didnt have service everywhere we went. So I never had a reason not to believe him.
