I've had my disagreements with Gucci here but you have to admit sometimes we are like the blind leading the blind here.
Reality is, if you DB for 6+ months and get little or no progress, it is imperative to detach and Gucci's advice can only be beneficial for most (caveats of course).
Most of these marriages are OVER, whether it is now or after some bogus reconciliation. That is not to be negative but realistic and the LBS has to get a grip on what he/she is actually dealing with and what is at stake.
I spent almost 9 months being a mere shell of myself, miserable, flailing...doing well in many ways but so terrified of D that my kids and my whole life was impacted negatively.
All of this said, obviously, no cyber-friend can know the nuances of someone else's sitch. And no one here has to live with the consequences. Someone can tell me till they're blue in the face that I should file for D now and x,y,z...I have had to lay out to the minutia what is at stake and why that is not necessarily a smart move in my case right now.
Gucci, you have so much to offer and you are right much of the time but obviously many feel bullied by your approach and your apparent judgement or superiority.
Your input is too valuable to be devolved into some emotional argument and I think it would be awesome and inspiring if you could at least own up to how provocative you are...you could help soooo many more people.
Regardless, I hope you will keep posting. People can take it or leave it and don't necessarily have to react or spar with you.
Actually I don't like to argue. I believe you were the one who called out my name.
And lets face it, your M couldn't have been that great if you found yourself here. It's a learning process for all of us. You don't need to belittle people and their progress.
"Why would I waste my time like you and the others are doing." If your method works, then it should also apply to people like Kevin. You interject in sitches where you think your method would work, then insist that it works for EVERY situation.
Plus a comment like that is extremely arrogant and condescending as if only a select few is worthy of your response.
You can't have your cake and eat it to. If something doesn't work for someone then they should try something else. Simple.
In my sitch, our R has gotten alot better in the last few weeks. and it's not because I dated other people or give her less attention, or anything, I just jotted down what worked and did more of that. Thanks for the "Light My Fire" tip BTW.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
