My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

I am 50/50 about dating during DBing....but I think in this case, he's walked down a particular path already and can't turn around and start dating. It will make him look too much like a liar which is never a good thing....what do you think?

I've thought about this a little too. I've declared my intentions and told her I would wait as long as I could for her but that every day I continue to heal and see her with another man I will be growing away from her. I probably should have kept that to myself and just took care of myself, demonstrated happiness, stability and forward movement and waited a bit. That's kind of what I'm trying to do now. Eventually if I don't see any movement I'll date again. If I did that now it would just reinforce her doubts in me.

Thoughts?

[MrBond]

Well you certainly can't blame her. There have been studies that show it takes a MINIMUM of 2 years to emotionally get over an affair for the person who was betrayed. And that's only if the person in the A had shown true remorse and was willing to do whatever it took to alleviate the betrayed partner's fears.

Since you only showed her that you wanted back after she found someone else, it shows her that you aren't sincere. Sure you might have been thinking of coming back for awhile, but lets face it, you didn't show her any of that so it doesn't count.

Space and alot of prayer.

[Stronger]

That's what I'm saying...you already committed in one direction so now to u turn would do a lot of damage and just solidify her decision to be with OM.

[aliveandkicking]

Now that you are acting like she did, she is acting like you did? Correct?

So what she did when you didn't want her didn't work? Correct?

Then why are you doing the exact things that the facts show didn't work for her?

Interesting.

Ok. Gucci is something of a master here. However, I don't think she is "acting like you did." She gave up on you and accepted your decision. That is very different to me than leaving and refusing to work on the marriage.

I could sooooo easily be her. If my H professed that he was ready to come back to me and then was immediately prancing around with other women, I'd think he was completely full of sh*t. I want a man who is prepared to be committed to me and my family more than his whims and his own gratification.

In your case, I think there is no reason be dating right now. Flirting, socializing, living...do that, but if you overdo it, you are going to come off as an insincere a**hole. Game time is over.


I think it is great that you want your W back. This is an amazing thing to witness being in my sitch. Makes me realize how hard it would be for me to trust my H if he wanted back in. But, again, seeing any juvenile, self-absorbed flaunting or non-sense would turn me off immediately. I am not f*cking around when it comes to my kids and my well being, not after having gone through all of this.

[RedSoxFan]

I'm going to her house tonight to celebrate our oldest daughter's birthday. Any suggestions?

[aliveandkicking]

Why? Why not in a neutral place? Can you make that suggestion? Take everyone out to dinner???

[RedSoxFan]

Daughter has an activity until 9 then we're opening gifts after. Is there any reason why I wouldn't want to be there?

[aliveandkicking]

No. I just thought it would be better out somewhere and that you be involved with the planning but it is a bit late for that...

Not sure on advice. Focus on the kids, be your confident, relaxed amicable self. Don't get into any R talks or awkward moments...

[RedSoxFan]

Thanks! I'm good with all of that It's when I leave and go home that it's rough

[RedSoxFan]

Don't want to get ahead of myself here but when will it be time to touch on the R issue again? How will I know when the time is right?