FWIW, the old revenge/threats of physical violence thing is pretty unattractive. But anyway, why do you think W hasn't let go of the past? It is you who seems to keep bringing it up.
If you want a new R, start a new R.
Imagine this scenario... Your son (now 18+) is stewing about constantly being rejected by a girl he likes at school. You try to talk to him:
Doc: So, how exactly does she reject you, does she turn away from your kisses?
Son: Well, no. I've never actually tried to kiss her. I'm scared of being rejected.
Doc: Do you flirt with her? Email her? Buy her romantic gifts?
Son: No way.
Doc: Have you taken her on a date?
Son: Well, yes and no. I went to the movies with her, but just as friends. I think maybe she was disappointed that I acted like her brother. But now she just acts like my sister.
Doc: So, how exactly is she rejecting you?
Son: I told her quite clearly that in the future I would like to date her and give her a promise ring eventually. So, I would like her to put her hand down my pants right now so that I feel better about dating her in the future.
Doc: And?
Son: She hasn't done it yet. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. If she doesn't take the first step and get the sexual ball rolling, I'm moving on to the easy chicks.
Doc: Um, really, perhaps you should try to get into boyfriend/girlfriend mode before you require her to initiate physical intimacy without taking a lack of it as rejection.
Son: Do you think I haven't tried? I told her if she didn't hook up with me last night that I would no longer be her friend. I thought I meant it, but I backed off of it when she looked repulsed. But, see what a frigid b*tch she is rejecting me all over the place? Really, I've just had it.
Doc: It seems to me that you want her to prove to you that she's totally up for a committed sexual R with you before you risk any true move to intimacy on your part. That just isn't how romantic Rs are built. If you aren't strong enough to take the first steps without guarantees, then you really aren't ready for that kind of R. So, quit blaming her for not playing the role in you would like her to play in your drama when you aren't even emotionally or physically on the set.
Son: Pehaps you are right. I'll tell her I want to start over, start a boyfriend/girlfriend R, and that if she wants to do so too, she should flash me her breasts.
Doc: I don't think that will work...
Son: No, of course not, with her being so withholding and rejecting and all because she can't let go of the past in which we were just friends...
Doc: But you haven't moved beyond being just friends...
Son: But that is her fault. I keep telling her what to do and waiting for her to put her hand down my pants and it keeps not happening. Easy street it should be. I'm stupid for letting her use me like this...
Doc: ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! (Bangs head against wall.)
