d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

I'm not saying we were without issues in our marriage. I admitted to faults all along the way. But I never gave up on his depression that would come every fall and last till march, or april. And because I cared and loved him and tried to help him he lied and cheated and left me and divorced me. I don't get it.

My D4 has been fiesty and stressed out. She of course wants dad to stay to put her to bed or watch tv with her. I wont allow it, especially after all the hurtful things he has said to me about our D4. Maybe he said those nasty things about her out of anger (he says he lost his freedom because of her). But the way I see it whether depression or MLC, I won't allow him there anymore.

Actually, I have really moved on. I do what I have to do to get by. I will get rid of my anger in time. Alot of what he said to me thru this marriage keeps slapping me in the face. First week we were married I asked him - why did you marry me? Dumb question, but I was hoping for maybe a compliment like because I loved you or you were beautiful. No !!! He says, he was getting up in age (31) and I was the only one left in ******* (our town) that was single. He never jokes around, he was always very serious. I looked at him in the car and asked him if he was teasing me. He said since when do I ever kid around.

I was so hurt, and shocked. I told him that that comment really hurt me. That was the beginning of his usual retorts. He said nothing. I was hoping for -- I'm sorry, I was kidding. Or yea, I realized I shouldn't have married you. Something, anything.

So when I think back to this crap that I held out for. I've realized that he never really loved me.... ever. So as much as I did want to save my marriage. I am very glad it's over. I don't have near as much stress. I still hear about the bad stuff and people he's hanging with (goes to a nearby town because he knows he is doing wrong and doesn't want his "true" friends to see him do what he's doing.

I've learned alot from this experience with him. I'm soooooo glad that I don't really care what he's doing. He still lives at home and has them all turned against me. He is still bringing home d4 after 2 hours of him spending time with her. (that amounts to taking her back home and his mother takes care of our D4) He doesn't play with D4, his mother does. He's too busy texting or talking on his phone or getting ready to go out after he drops D4 off.

I'm done with him, and it's time to move on.

Take care I wouldn't have made it thru all of this without your help. I also hope that your Sitch gets better for you.