I think Kimmie Lee and I are going to be on the opposite sides of this.
For the record, never told her to change her name...asked if that's something she would consider....that's all. I did it but always knew that I would....I even come from a society of people where women keep their maiden names.
Any-hoo.
Yes, I'm an alpha wife too. My husband still finds aspects of my "alpha-ness" sexy and appealing. There are aspects of it, he does not. But I can see his side now as he has given me specific examples of how I let that part of my personality get away from me and it went from being "sexy in control woman" to "attempting to control everything annoying woman". It was a true "Ouch" moment for me, but I needed to hear it to really understand his issues with us and with me.
I know my H married me for my strength. I know he still loves and respects it. He just needs me to tone it down sometimes and he's willing to work with me and tell me when those times maybe so I don't have to read his mind, then it festers in him. He even said this "I will point it out to you when you go from being strong to trying to over-power me. I bet a few of those times, we'll disagree, but at least you'll know what I'm thinking and why."
To me, that's huge huge progress for us.
And a man wanting to be the hero....is that really a fatal flaw? Or is it only a fatal flaw if he doesn't want to be your hero? I won't paint all men with that brush, despite the hell I've been living through these nine months, I still respect men and I'm learning to respect my H again. It's a process, I struggle with it, but it helps me when I see he's having the same struggle too, that's he's trying. I want my husband to be my hero. I want him to be my S's hero.
I will agree with Kimmie Lee that you deserve better. But I hope and think it's very possible you can have better with your current husband.
