It's weird to me that I had a feeling that my affair might even help save my marriage by rebuilding me. It's not like I really thought about it very much but the thought crossed my mind.
The way that my wife was told about my affair was horrible! I would have handled it much differently but a sick and angry person did all he could to torture her. She got little pieces every morning from him. I tried to protect everyone from this but it ended up being focused on me as the cause of it all.
Look I really believe that both my wife and I are innocents in this. We let the world take control and did not exercise self control when we needed it the most, but since we are truly innocent and kind people, all of this can be forgiven and put behind us.
It's so strange, when we see eachother, we still cling to eachother. The distance is murder.
No problem X. i think then that is all you should tell you wife when you do talk again. That you sincerely wish she had found out in a better way. I think the A will build you. shoot sometimes we get so caught up in taking all teh hurt from our WAS that we lose our selves, we lose our self esteem. My brief dating with anotehr guy did wonders for me - made me ralize that there are good guys out there that I can be with and that I can and deserve to be treated better. I know she's hurt but at the same time maybe its a wake up call she needed. I firmly believe "All things will work together for good." So stop beating yourself up over this and let it play itself out. You've been through enough pain with her A, you don't need to beat yourself up anymore over something you didn't even start. Be strong.
I hate this, I just wish I could get through to my beloved wife.
I went to work yesterday and it was uneventful except that since I broke it off with OW the oxygen seems to be sucked out of the building. It seems like people took sides with her or something. I don't really care very much but I feel abandoned all the way around.
I want to find a therapist in my area but no matter where I live there are none signed up with the DB program. I would even participate in group therapy but I can't seem to find any.
While I am not communicating with my wife, my mind won't stop trying to piece together weird stuff like, extravagant ways to prove my loyalty and commitment to getting through this and to making her stop hurting. Weird stuff like skydiving over her city and telling her to meet me at the drop point. (ha ha) I could say.
"I have always been afraid to take a leap like that but I did it, will you?"
I think about just trying to get myself a job near where she live to prove how insanely far I would go to be with her. But I have also thought that it isn't me that is having trouble with commitment in the first place, so I have nothing to prove.
Ahhh Pain, oh how I wish my H was as sorry as you are. But its only us LBS that feel this level of guilt commitment. I'm the same way. Before H and I got marriage, we were having a bad spell, I cheated to prove a point to him. Confessed the same night and felt awful. H took it all in and loved the guilt I felt. He was acting like I was such a bad person for what I did, while he was seeing someone else all along.
Whatever you do right now will not work. You've done it all. I'm jealous though - I want my H to love me as much as you love your W.
Vicky, She loves me too, She says so, but she is so hurt and feels guilt for what she did to me and anger for what I did to her.
I have worked for 25 of my 36 years of life to think kindly of human beings and it has been a struggle because they have not been so kind to me. After all of this, my anger is so close to the surface that I feel that there are people that should be hurt. (just an inner feeling, not a belief).
It also explains part of the reason for my affair. I don't know if I am alone in this feeling but ever since I was a little kid, I would feel like things were so bad that I should be bad myself. I fed on the electricity of being bad, I know I was doing this when I had my affair.
I want to find a therapist in my area but no matter where I live there are none signed up with the DB program. I would even participate in group therapy but I can't seem to find any.
DB Coaching is not therapy, per se, but it's available by phone so who lives where doesn't matter. I've had a Coaching session and it totally rocked. I will be having more as soon as I get the $$$.
Re: conventional therapy - I'm sure there are plenty of therapists in your area. Take a look, and don't be afraid to talk to more than one to get a good fit. A short, initial consult, often over the telephone, is usually free.
Last edited by Dia; 08/19/0907:39 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
you got any hobbies? have you considered switching jobs to get rid of OW from your life for good? try to spend less time thinking about your wife or grand plans on getting her back. spend more time thinking about your life and grand plans on making your life better.
I made the big mistake of telling my wife that I am looking for a different job and she just reduced me to "pretty boy" she said pretty boys always lie and all she says I need is just a woman to admire me and give me sex and I'll be happy. She has decided that I lie all the time and have always lied all the time.
With all due respect, she's full of it. You really need to turn the tables here... make her think that you've really had enough. I see your heading is "the tables turn" but I really don't think it has. W still running the show.
