Gucci DOES bring up some very good points. Whether or not your W is having an A or not, you still have to detach.
Question is whether you want to look into the A thing or not. B/c if it's present, then you have to deal with it, or you are fighting a losing battle. Gucci and Puppy would be the authorities on that aspect. I would imagine there would have to be some serious boundary setting that would be needed, as well as some soul searching on your part.
I am not taking a position one way or the other on whether I think your W is having an inappropriate R with OM (EA or PA). But, from what Gucci described, I would be extra attuned for any evidence of that.
O, thanks for the words,sounds like some of the people on here are needlessly trying to get under your skin under the guise of "opening your eyes", I think as Sara does that you are confident and for the most part quite clear headed on what is going on in your sitch. That's why it's your sitch. Just my thoughts.
Me 42, Her 34 M 3yrs, T 8yrs D 5 S 3 S 2 ILYBINILWY 02/09 Sleeping in same bed/with intimacy "I,m done" her words: 05/28/09 She's trying again 06/25/09 Second "I'm done" 07/11/09 She's trying again.
One more thing. I understand, and agree, that not every sitch here involves an A. I suspected my W was in one, but only based upon her dropping the bomb. I looked for any evidence, and did not see any, nor have I seen any behaviour that would indicate one. I do not think my W is having an A, but that does not mean I am turning a blind eye to that possibility (and I'm not suggesting you are either).
Alls I'm saying is that after my W dropped the bomb on me, I no longer rule ANY possibility out. Trust, but verify.
sounds like some of the people on here are needlessly trying to get under your skin under the guise of "opening your eyes", I think as Sara does that you are confident and for the most part quite clear headed on what is going on in your sitch. That's why it's your sitch. Just my thoughts.
lg,
You are an enabler. His wife IS in an affair and has been for some time. It is people like you that keep people like Orich from making the right type of progress. If you want to enable by telling him "he knows what is going on in his sitch", then you are NOT helping, but hurting.
Your word "needlessly" should actually be applied to you and others enabling Orich to keep on doing things that are NOT working. Going on a year now. That should be more than enough time to figure what isn't working.
She IS in an affair. Bank on it. I have read EVERY post that Orich has posted on his threads. Followed this endless saga that is no better today than from day one..
GIMA, I couldn't be more attuned. Remember, my first wife had an affair that led to our D. I learned a lot from her, and I am applying it here.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
You always say you welcome advice. Puppy mentioned NUMEROUS times since November there was a possible affair. I not only agree with him, but she IS having one.
Just because it isn't what you WANT to hear, doesn't mean it isn't true. You are in denial.
sounds like some of the people on here are needlessly trying to get under your skin under the guise of "opening your eyes"
WHAT?
trying to open Orich's eyes to the reality that his wife's actions are neither innocent nor unique.
I had a drinking buddy who story was exactly like Orich's. Guy sat at the bar spilling the same story I am reading here. Sexless marriage, inappropriate relationships with guys from work, texting endlessly to other men, hanging out with her younger neices and cousins. We kept telling him, your wife is fooling around on you. He wouldn't believe it. Kept telling us, "She just lost her attraction for me. What do I do to get that back?"
Wouldnt you know one day he comes home from work early and his wife is in the sack with some 20 year old guy.
I know them both to this day. Wife's excuse, "He just doesnt do it for me."
There. trying to get under his skin? jeesh. you wish.
I realize that my 20+ years of observing and studying these things should have absolutely no bearing against some of the others who have been on here for what? 3 months to a year?
Yes Steve. As you said, I have seen the exact things over and over and over and over and over and over and over.
This is another rerun. She IS in one. Until he admits that and makes his game plan based on that fact, this is only dying a slow death. You know what they say about relationship endings don't you?
A BLOWOUT is far better than a slow leak..
Go ask confusedinPa.. He WASTED month after month after month being a doormat to find out that it WAS NOT the issue. The issue was as usual ANOTHER MAN...
He is needlessly getting people to do everything but face reality. Is she this? Is she that? Why is she this? Why is she that? Why did she say this? Why did she say that?
Facing the truth IS being strong. Not facing it is being weak.
Others saying that "he knows her better than anybody" is ridiculous. That is just an excuse to not truly want to help him to get this thing back under control. Orich has been on here long enough that he should be emotionally much much farther down the road. Go read his first couple of posts on his first couple of threads. Not much different than today. That isn't growth. It is time for him to start getting decisive in his life and quit waiting on her. The sooner he does his homework and admits to himself about the affair is when he can move ahead.
