Well we took son to 6th G orientation today...WOW last year when we went to JH open house Wife and I were so much farther apart. We are not there yet. But sooo close. I do feel OT that I am getting there. I am praying for patients...
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Doc, I'm not sure why she is trying to avoid sleeping with you after all of this time. The roommate things would be so hard. I agree that patience is difficult.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Perhaps I can provide some insight. I lived in a SSM for years with a man who was not my lover. He eventually became the WAS. But, at one point I came close to leaving because I wanted to be with a man who would be my lover. I easily could have been the one who left because of the emptiness of living without a true romantic partner.
If I had stopped sharing a bedroom with XH and had had the smallest taste of having a lover, I would have been loathe to share a bed with XH again. Way too depressing, demoralizing. Sharing a bed with a man who is not your lover merely intensifies the pain of not having a lover.
Doc has not been his W's lover. Perhaps if he stops putting the cart before the horse and stops rehashing the past and stops seeking guarantees, while at the same time genuinely involving himself in a romantic/sexual R with W, he may yet find a warm body in his bed when he sleeps. For sure, though, he first needs to demonstrate heat between the sheets.
P.S. FWIW, when I considered leaving my XM, there was no OM or potential OM in the picture. There was merely a longing to be in a romantic, sexual R again. I was not looking for anyone, nor did I have my eye on anyone.
Doc, I do understand what OT is saying. Since I have been seeing Mr. Accountant, excitement has crept back into my life. He makes me feel very desireable. He calls me, texts, and emails me to see how my day is going. He even likes to send racy text messages when he knows I'm somewhere I really shouldn't be getting messages like that. I think he likes to imagine my face when I open them up and read them. Sometimes I've certainly had to stifle giggles because I would not want to explain why I'm laughing. It is exciting to know that someone finds you sexy and desirable. Do that for your wife. Send her messages she's not expecting. Make some of them rated R maybe even X. Who knows you might awaken some deeply buried feelings in her.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result..
Wife not letting go of the past has me asking … Why should I? After two years I think it’s time to take care of things like I should have done two years ago. I was weak back then and have grown…..
CALLING ALL ANGELS Lyrics - TRAIN
Calling All Angels lyrics
I need a sign to let me know you're here All of these lines are being crossed over the atmosphere I need to know that things are gonna look up 'Cause I feel us drowning in a sea spilled from a cup
When there is no place safe and no safe place to put my head When you feel the world shake from the words that are said
[Chorus:] And I'm calling all angels I'm calling all you angels
I won't give up if you dont give up [Reapeat x4]
I need a sign to let me know you're here 'Cause my TV set just keeps it all from being clear I want a reason for the way things have to be I need a hand to help build up some kind of hope inside of me
[Chorus]
When children have to play inside so they don't disappear And private eyes solve marriage lies cause we don't talk for years And football teams are kissing Queens and losing sight of having dreams In a world that what we want is only what we want until it's ours
............................ Old High school buddy calls out of nowhere who I have not seen in years. He lives in the same area of Washington as the OM. Back in High school We knew how to take care of things and NOBODY messed with us.
I think it is time for a “Road trip”
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
FWIW, the old revenge/threats of physical violence thing is pretty unattractive. But anyway, why do you think W hasn't let go of the past? It is you who seems to keep bringing it up.
If you want a new R, start a new R.
Imagine this scenario... Your son (now 18+) is stewing about constantly being rejected by a girl he likes at school. You try to talk to him:
Doc: So, how exactly does she reject you, does she turn away from your kisses?
Son: Well, no. I've never actually tried to kiss her. I'm scared of being rejected.
Doc: Do you flirt with her? Email her? Buy her romantic gifts?
Son: No way.
Doc: Have you taken her on a date?
Son: Well, yes and no. I went to the movies with her, but just as friends. I think maybe she was disappointed that I acted like her brother. But now she just acts like my sister.
Doc: So, how exactly is she rejecting you?
Son: I told her quite clearly that in the future I would like to date her and give her a promise ring eventually. So, I would like her to put her hand down my pants right now so that I feel better about dating her in the future.
Doc: And?
Son: She hasn't done it yet. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this. If she doesn't take the first step and get the sexual ball rolling, I'm moving on to the easy chicks.
Doc: Um, really, perhaps you should try to get into boyfriend/girlfriend mode before you require her to initiate physical intimacy without taking a lack of it as rejection.
Son: Do you think I haven't tried? I told her if she didn't hook up with me last night that I would no longer be her friend. I thought I meant it, but I backed off of it when she looked repulsed. But, see what a frigid b*tch she is rejecting me all over the place? Really, I've just had it.
Doc: It seems to me that you want her to prove to you that she's totally up for a committed sexual R with you before you risk any true move to intimacy on your part. That just isn't how romantic Rs are built. If you aren't strong enough to take the first steps without guarantees, then you really aren't ready for that kind of R. So, quit blaming her for not playing the role in you would like her to play in your drama when you aren't even emotionally or physically on the set.
Son: Pehaps you are right. I'll tell her I want to start over, start a boyfriend/girlfriend R, and that if she wants to do so too, she should flash me her breasts.
Doc: I don't think that will work...
Son: No, of course not, with her being so withholding and rejecting and all because she can't let go of the past in which we were just friends...
Doc: But you haven't moved beyond being just friends...
Son: But that is her fault. I keep telling her what to do and waiting for her to put her hand down my pants and it keeps not happening. Easy street it should be. I'm stupid for letting her use me like this...
Doc: ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! (Bangs head against wall.)
Doc: ARRRRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! (Bangs head against wall.) You need to think about the order of things here...
Son: What? You mean give her the promise ring first and schedule sex for the following day? BTDT. I offered her a promise ring and made it clear it meant that we would be in a monogamous, committed, sexual R. NOTHING but rejection from her. She said, "yeah right, quit joking." But I wasn't joking.
Doc: Well, to be fair, I'm not sure why she would think you were serious as you aren't even dating. And if she did think you were serious, she may have been trying to let you down easy. I don't think many women would take a promise ring and start a sexual relationship with someone who isn't even a boyfriend yet.
Son: OMG, you mean they are ALL like this rejecting wench?
Doc: (Speechless, head in hands, chuckles and sobs a bit at the same time.)
