Gucci DOES bring up some very good points. Whether or not your W is having an A or not, you still have to detach.
Question is whether you want to look into the A thing or not. B/c if it's present, then you have to deal with it, or you are fighting a losing battle. Gucci and Puppy would be the authorities on that aspect. I would imagine there would have to be some serious boundary setting that would be needed, as well as some soul searching on your part.
I am not taking a position one way or the other on whether I think your W is having an inappropriate R with OM (EA or PA). But, from what Gucci described, I would be extra attuned for any evidence of that.
