I had an appointment with a top D Lawyer myself a few months ago and also got similar kind of advice about the fact that D is highly likely in my situation, etc etc. I think all these guys ever see most of the time is situations that don't work out obviously since that is the business they are in - taking over the legal aspects of ending a M so it all makes sense that this would be typical feedback from a L.
Great to hear about your progress Thinker. The kinds of demand you put on your W about other Male friendships is exactly whatI would expect if we ever R.
I am happy that you and Orich are getting the opportunity to go to Retrouvaille. It is a fantastic program if both spouses have some interest in keeping the M. My W didn't have any interest when we went and was involved in an EA pretty heavily so it had little impact on her, and kind of drove her closer to OM. However, I know it helped others, even when there was an A going on.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
One other thing Retrouvaille did for me was open my eyes up to just how much I wanted to save my marriage, and gave me the strength to persevere over some pretty rough times over the past six months. This was all despite the fact that W didn't put much effort into it even though we participated in all the post sessions. You have to go in willing to work on yourself and at the time I hadn't done that much in that area but it was a big motivator for me. W still hasn't really done much work on herself even through her own IC, but I hope your WASs will as a result of the program at least.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
Coincidently, I am xeroxing to make packets for our Retrouvaille which begins tomorrow night. I came to the last page of the insert with directions on how to get to the Post sessions. At the top of the page it says,
"Please come even if you are fighting and things seem to have unraveled. Please come if everything is perfect."
The same is true for a couple that has never been to Retrouvaille weekend. Go, no matter what.
All this retro talk is getting me excited. Ours is still a month away! Good luck, Sara, I am praying for you!
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
I have talked to several local marriage counselors, as I am in the process of looking for another one. During these discussions I briefly described my sitch and that we are scheduled to go to Retrouvaille on Sept 18th.
What surprised me is that none of the C's, including the current one we have been going to, have ever heard of Retrouvaille.
Retro seems to be well known, commonly attended, and frequently discussed here within this community, but very little known elsewhere.
Why is that? Why is it not better know? Has anyone talked to a C who knows about it?
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
My MC and now IC is a Catholic Deacon, and he never heard of it. I don't know why. The session I am going to was just advertised in my parish's bulletin.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
MCs often don't know about Retro because Retro grew out of the efforts of the Catholic Church. Your typical licensed IC is generally deemed to not have the training to deal with issues of religion or spirituality so the licensed counseling camp and the faith-based camp tend to stay fairly far apart, despite the fact that many MCs have deeply held faith positions.
The exception to the 'not trained in religion' thing is if the counselor is what's called a Pastoral Counselor, meaning that their psych training occurred through the auspices of a seminary concurrent with courses in theology.
An analogy would be how come your dentist doesn't know much about physical therapy when they're both health issues.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I don't know the answer to that one, but Dia's answer sounds right. Retrouvaille describes itself as a Christian Peer Ministry. It is not counseling and it does not employ any professional counselors. So I guess it's equivalent to asking a doctor about herbal cures. As to why a Catholic Deacon is unaware of it, I don't know. He should be. When you get back from Retrouvaille, Orich, be sure to tell him about it. And they will give you brochures that you can give him to give to others.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
