JR: I know that being in a state of limbo can be brutal and exhausting - but that's just why you have to do exactly what you said: motivate yourself to see the positives in all this madness. And there are some positives - just think of what you've come to see about yourself - and how much you have healed in the past few months. Think of the confidence you have in yourself as a good father - and as a good man.
I think this is one of the times when you just have to acknowledge what you know - and then let it go to the best of your ability. I agree with you that your W hasn't come to a decision yet - which is exactly why you shouldn't bring up the divorce or your marriage/relationship - and just allow yourself the freedom to maintain your healthy independence.
That said - if your wife ever comes to the point of opening up to you, follow the guidelines offered in the books - accept some invitations, but not all, don't sound needy or like you're clinging to her - allow yourself the kind of confidence and independence that probably attracted her to you in the first place - just remember that who you were then was who you are for yourself - you didn't become someone different for her to fall in love with you - which is, I think, one of the mistakes that people sometimes make with this process - namely, confusing the differences between changing their core selves and improving on bad habits - not that I think you're making this mistake - I'm just kind of thinking out loud at the moment...and realizing that sometimes we forget that improving ourselves doesn't always mean getting rid of what it was in us that someone first fell in love with - rather - improving ourselves should mean that we purge ourselves of bad habits that we've sometimes developed over the course or a relationship - since who we are in relationships is often very different from who we are on our own...maybe that's where some of the problems start...I don't know.
What do you have planned for the weekend?
Is there any way you might be able to make plans to visit your boys? Even just for a weekend? You don't have to see your W much - but I think it could give you some comfort to know when you'll see them again (I've got the same thoughts on my mind in terms of my S12).
Do something fun this weekend, JR. Something for you.
