I'm running H's bedding through the wash today (with his approval). The layer of cat fur in certain places was beginning to obscure the color of the fabric. For me, it's about more than cat fur, though. It's about purifying that bed psychically so it won't bug me if I should get the chance to do more than sleep in it.
These cleaning projects will eventually leave a pretty indelible mark on the house - indicators of my presence. I've wrestled a little over whether a) this is manipulative, or b) if I care. I've decided that since I've notified him in advance and gotten his explicit permission that it renders any possible manipulation moot. And given that context, I don't care! LOL!
His visible response to these things has been very positive so far. Guess I'll go from there.
Another interesting change. On one of my visits a few weeks ago, H stated emphatically that he wanted complete financial separation and I didn't resist that. With Gramma's passing, however, that makes my grandparents' car available since Gramp can't drive. H's car is on its last dying gasps, so I broached the possibility that if my dad knew we were interested, we might end up with Grampa's car. H said that would be great.
Also, with his rotator cuff re-injury, he's facing some potential medical expenses for physical therapy. I told him that as soon as I had paychecks coming in, I would contribute financially and it didn't matter what it was for. He thanked me and said he hoped he wouldn't need it. Note the difference from 'complete financial separation'. Then I laughed and said that once I had a paycheck, I was going to start buying groceries and there was nothing he could do to stop me - and we both laughed over that.
My sense is that we're navigating some of the logistics of possible reconciliation. We're slowly becoming more intertwined. I like this and want it, but the communication and successful negotiation will serve us well if we don't stay together, so it's win-win either way.
Last edited by Dia; 08/20/0904:28 PM.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
For me, it's about more than cat fur, though. It's about purifying that bed psychically so it won't bug me if I should get the chance to do more than sleep in it. 
