"You aren't suggesting that I confront the OM; are you? I have no idea what I would say."
If it were me, how about "What are your intentions with my wife? You are interfering with my family and I will do everything in my power to project my family."
Then I would call his wife or girlfriend or whatever and tell her what is going on.
Then I would write a letter, send it certified, to the human relations department of her work and inform them of what is going on between these two. Remind them about the possible sexual harassment issues that this relationship might cause. Ask them what they intend to do about the situation.
Yes your wife has issues, but the major issue for your marriage is this stain that she works with. You need to stop this.
But this is just me.
I never even thought of that, considering her recent promotions which were no doubt given to her by the OM (I think he's her manager) or he helped influence the decisions leading to her promotions coupled with the fact that they're having an affair - there seems to be a conflict of interest. If that happened where I work and people found about it, I'm sure there would be enough of a stink to cause a few people to get fired and with the economy being what it is, not having a job is definitely a thing to worry about.
Be careful though, getting someone fired may not necessarily make you look that great. Control those actions and the anger you must be feeling because of all this, anger tends to have a way of clouding a person's judgement into performing knee jerk reactions.
