Just been to therapist this am. One of those really painful difficult sessions. There I was high as a kite after two fairly decent convos with H. With a little progress made in each. And she took the wind right out of my sails.
This is the bit I need to hear though.
My part in the marriage breakdown.
I keep having to have an answer for H. No not in the yakiity, yak place I was in before. Much calmer. but...
Telling him about my fantasy partner after our not-even-happened yet S, was apparently very dumb.
I keep trying to control him.
I am too strong in my opinions.
I never let him lead.
i come between him and the children.
I`ve ruined the man.
Boy, it bloody hurts.
And it goes on.
I can`t love a real man. I have to find someone weak to make me feel superior.
My kids are damaged far more than I realise, by me, by all of this.
I feel utterly crap right now. And there`s nothing I can do about any of it. I can`t control at all. Just let it roll.
