Hey Guys, I appreciate all the love. That's why I come here!
But it's very simple for me and he's clear on my boundary.
You go out with her alone, we're done. That's how I feel, my self respect does exist.
The long and short of it is this: he stayed home alone last night.
So I'm hoping he did that for me. I made it clear to him from the time it was obvious she was leaving, and we were talking about us again, no more time alone with her. He made other promises, I didn't ask for them. As he was making these promises, I told him then, "Just don't hang out alone with her anymore" to which he said "I only did that maybe three times and for a few hours at most." Whatever. And he added "You have nothing to worry about, I want nothing to do with her, especially hanging out with her. I hope she quits tomorrow!" (they work together and asking him to quit is not really an option as his job is very specific)
Last night as he was telling me, "Well, it was going to be a bunch of people but they all bailed, it's looking like just me and OW", I told him "This is a person you had physical contact with and I'm uncomfortable with you being with her alone. I don't understand why you would hang out with her after all she's done and all you've said about her, but whatever, if it's a group of you I'll deal with it since you do work with her. But alone....why put yourself in temptations path?"
He swore up and down that he has no desire to touch her ever again. (Frankly, I hope that true, but like many here, I have my doubts.) My response was this "Then talk to her on the phone. Don't put yourself in a bad spot."
He accused me of controlling him. I said "I guess I understand the accusation but again, for me, it's really a matter of you wanting to hang out with her alone is painful for me. If you are serious about us, I see no reason why you think it's ok to hang out alone with this particular person, all things considered. I don't think I'm out of line to ask this of you, to show me your level of committment to us. If I were telling you to not do this, (and by the way, I'm asking) just because I just don't want you to, it really has no impact or bearing on me, I just want to see if you will listen, then that's controlling. I'm not lying when I tell you, if you go out with her alone, I will be truly hurt. I'm asking you to not do this. Your choice."
He didn't go out. He called around 8 to say good night. I didn't hear the phone as I was in the shower. I called him back. He talked to S for a few minutes. I got back on the phone and he says "See, all that drama for nothing." I wanted to drive over there and punch him. Fortunately for him, I don't know where he lives (by design). And then after that comment I wondered if they were ever planning to go out at all. Was he just trying to push my buttons? I have to believe no, but I wondered.
But this is my boundary. I have not asked him to sever all contact. He actually promised that on his own, with no prompting from me. I knew he wouldn't be able to live up to it so I just let it go in one ear, out the other. And he does still work with her, she's about 10 feet away from him. So trying to be realistic here, it just wasn't going to happen unless she quit, which she has.
When I learned she quit....I knew there would be a going away party. At first I really wanted to ask him to not go at all. But then I thought about it and decided, "Ok, go. But please just come home to us when the evening is over" and he agreed no hesitation.
Here's the funny part....he can't go to the going away party because Fiance will be here and they don't like each other and it would be very awkward for them both the be there....and guess Fiance trumps co-worker.
