I'm new wondering if this works...

[Energizer Bunny]

Well If he's felt neglected, "Going Dark" probably would be a bad idea. I wouldn't push R talks either.

I am no expert. I have learned a lot from the past 10 months of my own situation, but since I am still in process, I can only claim to be successful with changing myself, not my wife. It seems to me though that once a spouse is ready to walk away they aren't going to "snap out" of it quickly. You'll need to prepare yourself for this being a long period of growth for the two of you. (I assume that you have made a choice to love your husband and work through this)

It looks like you are well aware of the issues. Are these things that you are willing to work on? Are you prepared to be the one who initiates change and stop doing the same old things that don't work? Easy to say...tough to do. Especially when you're in the heat of an arguement.

I'm in the middle of the book "The Dance of Anger." It may be a good one for you. It addresses some of the very issues that you mentioned. (how to argue...I mean have "conversations" more effectively...trying something new etc.)

Staying calm, following through, not blaming, and not nit-picking are likely going to be hard habits to break, but not impossible. This may be a great opportunity to grow as a person.

Do you have kids, how long married etc?