Once again, I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. I found it interesting to hear that you found yourself in a similar situation with your H. These outbursts have reduced in nature and frequency but I do always find it difficult to walk away. I need to remember that this is his power mechanism as is the 'no speaking process'. On reflection I think he reverts to this when he is confronted with truth that he can't deny and he uses it to reassert his power. I guess I have to learn not to strip him of his power in the first place. I had been doing well but think the surgery has been draining both physically and emotionally. I am quite resilient and I think this has really surprised me particularly as the reasons for having surgery were so positive and such a move forward for me.
You are right about email (and texts too)...I think both can be unintentionally hurtful.
I have been speaking to H as a best friend but I didn't keep my cool when he lost it and there was a back slide that I now need to work on recovering. I have apologised for my part and I have expressed my intention to reflect and improve on this. H is still cool towards me but the damage is not beyond repair as he is at least in contact. We have certainly recovered from worse set backs.
While I recognise what you say about dealing with this next time, when H has such an outburst there really is no opportunity to address the problem. He suddenly blows a fuse, refusing to listen to anything I say, hangs up or drives off and refuses to answer his phone. That is why I was wanting to address it now before there is a next time.
H is moving to his new place Saturday. The kids and his parents will help him move. I am thinking of staying out of the way but wondered about providing a cake/sandwiches for them. This could be perceived as pursuing or just a friendly gesture for the family. What do you think?
Interestingly H has made no suggestion as yet to MIL and FIL about seeing ow. I wonder if she even knows they are here.
