For me, the fear I initially had was what you describe - that by detaching, I would be giving W exactly what she wanted and would be making it easier for her to leave - "Oh, he's ok now."
She may see it that way, but its more likely to confuse her b/c it doesn't fit with the way she planned it all out. And I think detaching makes the WAS pause to consider what they are about to do. Then reality begins to creep into the picture for them and it, too, isn't what they planned.
So detaching upsets their plan and provides you with peace, strength, objectivity and makes you more attractive.
Again, what other choice do you have if you really don't want to be miserable anymore?
