When Mach says he is staying in the marriage because:
"It is also looking into the eyes of my wife and knowing that there is something deep inside that cannot come out just yet.
Something that even she doesn't know yet brewing inside of her....
If she had Cancer, would I turn my back on her ?"
That rang so true for me-though it`s taken me over a year to get to that point!
Yes, D, I read your wife`s letter and it had all the hallmarks of someone who is struggling to find their true selves. That true self in your wife that is locked up right now, that you cannot reach but that may emerge with time and patience.
Yes, I did validate H`s position re the separation. I did acknowledge that at was at that point too a few months back but that I am more optimistic now, more hopeful for us. Yet I wouldn`t stand in his way if that`s what he wants. And yes, he would have to book the mediation appointments.
Yes, H has a huge issue with facing my family and friends cos I made that mistake of blabbing too much too.
Stay in the bed if you can with your wife, D.I found it so very difficult to sleep with H initially when things were un ravelling last summer but I miss sleeping with him now, yes, even if there would be no intimacy.
I have overcome insomnia issues though by playing meditation tapes. I`ve done a lot of that self care stuff-yoga, diet, prayer,reading, giong back to old hobbies, picking up new ones. Whatever helps me stay relaxed. That`s been good.
I finally found a good therapist and go to her once a week. Wish I had her a year ago!
Keep your wedding rings on. I didn`t. I`m sorry now.
Anything you do got get at W will swing back on you.
Best book I`ve read-apart from DR and DB -is Gary Zucav`s "The Heart of the Soul"
This has been a journey for me too. A journey to find my real self that got lost through years of nappies, overwork,self neglect. I am working on changing me for me. Yes, I`ve worked on things H has pointed on too but I`ve done that for me as well.
There have been lots of pluses to this journey. I`ve discovered happiness is within. I have learnt to be a well of calm through my H`s rages.Like you, I`m reconnecting with old friends, my other friendships and family relationships have deepened and I`m feeling a greater connectivity to people in general.I`m loving my kids better.
