Help - Husband in MLC

[Dawn of Hope]

Oz,
Thank you for the sympathy; I have to admit that I am not completely detached, and have not yet figured out how to forgive, as important as I know it to be. But it is better than it used to be, and I'm working on the rest. It does help that I don't have to see or talk to him these days (no contact in over 3 months now), so I don't have to deal with his coldness and disrespect to me head-on (even if he is always coolly polite).

Good job with everything, you are catching on well, it sounds like. The emotional part is going to be really hard, at least in waves, for a while, but you are getting the hang of how to communicate with him. It is okay to think, "How do you know what qualifies as a high rent; have you ever tried to find a place even just for yourself, not to mention another person plus pets? You have no basis for comparison!" But I think you know better than to say anything like that.

You want to avoid engaging him in any kind of emotional tug-of-war or one-upsmanship. If he tries, you have to just keep sidestepping and bringing it back to the business discussion at hand...or if he is getting out of hand, politely say that the topic will be tabled until he is able to discuss it in a civil manner, and then hang up or walk away. With DBing you have to learn balance between respecting yourself and what you need and deserve, providing for your children and pets, and being overly demanding or nasty because of your own pain and therefore burning your bridges. It's a tightrope, but you will learn to walk it, and you are already taking your first steps.

Hope that helps!

Peace,
Dawn