Im sorry, but I think thats ridiculous. You HAVE been acting like friends. Are her 19 y/o friends giving her advice here?
I would be really on the lookout for her trying to initiate a fight during this time, make sure that you dont take her bait! She cant have a one-sided arguement.
Shes holding all the cards here, I dont feel good about her week of experimental friendship. You have a history extending at least 9 years, Im basing it on the age of your oldest child, and she wants to make a decision about it based on a week of behavior! Be careful (and guarded!) here.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
Im sorry, but I think thats ridiculous. You HAVE been acting like friends. Are her 19 y/o friends giving her advice here?
I would be really on the lookout for her trying to initiate a fight during this time, make sure that you dont take her bait! She cant have a one-sided arguement.
Shes holding all the cards here, I dont feel good about her week of experimental friendship. You have a history extending at least 9 years, Im basing it on the age of your oldest child, and she wants to make a decision about it based on a week of behavior! Be careful (and guarded!) here.
but what i dont get is she is the one who is so dead set on being friends. its something she keeps asking for
How can you walk away from someone, essentially abandon them, and think that your actions will or should be forgiven. There are few times in life that you recieve a blow like your spouse walking out. How can they seriously beleive that we will "still be friends"... like all they have to say is "I hope that we can still be friends" after they have slit your throat and youll just say, "oh, ok"
I think that honestly, shes trying to befriend you to help her feel less guilty about leaving. Like she let you go, instead of left you, same as the "you deserve better than me" line of B.S.
But, maybe you should take EVERYTHING I say with a grain of salt... been a little bitter lately.
Just make sure that you arent letting her eat cake. Be very aware of how you are willing to let a "friend" treat you, and stick to those boundaries.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
yeah I agree and it is hard to just "be friends" last night I was very tempted to give up on it. I just felt like i was the only one trying. she got the idea i was pissed and ready to give up and she wanted to talk for a longtime befor bed. she talked about how an old friend wanted to be friends on her facebook and she said no cuz he really messed up stuff. I asked her why she wanted to be friends with me and she got her usual crying going and said " because you were my husband. you were a big part of my life" then she said that I sound like I dont want to be her friend the way I asked that.
I had gotten a letter for our divorce court date (prelim, which i belive is one step from making it final)which is why we were going to talk in the first place , I ended up asking her if she would mind post poning the divorce a little even metioned changing it to a sep. she said she thought it would be a very good idea to post pone it but that was all she was not interested in changing it to a sep. she felt it was too soon for it to be final and she said it was sad.
I have to say being a "friend" like the DB says is very very hard. she was saying how she is broke and then said that i knew she was bad with money, I slipped and said yeah but i was the "ass" that ofcourse didnt go well and she said see I dont think you care to be friends with me.
Im still trying to do this one step at a time I guess my slip ups are becomming less and less. I half wonder if it will work but i guess I can see where if you feel good around someone "a friend" and you have history you would tend to lean that way at some pint down the road. memories always comeback in your head you see the good times and the bad become less and less over time as long as you dont add to the bad times and make them freash. I know when i look back at even stuff that was bad i tend to forget how bad it really was and think about the fun and happy parts and I can see that happening here
Well she didnt call the kids tonight so I texted her after MIL called and the kids were already inbed.(i was pissed because she wanted me to tell them she was going to call, and yet again just like since the beginning of the stich she let them down)
she called and talked to older D and younger D was already asleep (they have long days lots of stuff to do at the daycare) well she tells me she forgot and she was with her roomate cashing her check at that time.... i just dont get her. she texted me alot during the day but yet again when it comes to the kids she fails so bad! it's like she just pretends to care about them.
yeah well.... its very hard to with the kids getting blown off. I just had to call her so the younger daughter could talk to her. I really have found myself from day one as a person who would rather have gone dark. (my natural reaction and even the consoler told us we should not talk and have space... she refused!) and if she saw what she missed then she would do the work to work on the M. right now its just sad.
she said thanks for calling her and letting her talk to younger D I said ok, and I would talk to her next week.. (she is going on another mini vacation this weekend) she did her okayyy???and i said well Im a little upset you forgot the kids again. just like when they were in school still and you were blowing them off. she said "it's not that i forgot them" You dont understand I have alot on my mind and going on. I told her well you have no responcabilitys now so I really dont see how you can do this. she said well I do and i will explain next week.
I dont think she see's just how serious i am about giving up on this for awhile letting me have my space. it's like she just wont let me heal. I would love to have the M back but I dont see what is wrong with allowing time. allowing her to see what she is missing. letting me see if I really do miss her ect.
I wonder if it would be a good idea next week if I just tell her flat out "You know I have thought about this for a long time, what I need to do Is have my space. I need an indefinant amount of time to myself. I need to see if I miss you or just the thought of what was."
I dont think she see's just how serious i am about giving up on this for awhile letting me have my space.
I wonder if it would be a good idea next week if I just tell her flat out "You know I have thought about this for a long time, what I need to do Is have my space. I need an indefinant amount of time to myself. I need to see if I miss you or just the thought of what was."
If you are really at that point WL2009 Then you dont say anything. You just walk away. She will figure it out.
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just like when they were in school still and you were blowing them off. she said "it's not that i forgot them" You dont understand I have alot on my mind and going on.
you might be able to not even communicate about the kids. You know when you do this though you are going to go back 10 pages to the constant "do you miss me texts?" How do you plan on dealing with that? SM.
I was going to ask you how you thought it would go over if you asked her to let you be for a little bit. You can just communicate about the kids only. No discussing weekend plans, or what you did the summer of 2004, or anything that isnt expressly business related.
Then when you feel like you can do it, try to be her friend. I agree with the coach that if you ever plan to restore your M, that is the first thing that will have to happen, and some people even say fake it till you make it. But I really think that if you arent ready to be her friend, you will sabotage it.
And... WTH, she has time for a mini-vacation, but not enough time to call her kids?
Last edited by bluerain; 08/22/0912:22 AM.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
