Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[Dawn of Hope]

Hey, Ali,
When I read about the sex issue, I too immediately thought of ADs. I remember that when my doctor first prescribed them for me, she said that in her experience the side effect of sexual issues is MUCH more common than the published statistics, and I can tell you for sure it was true with me.

When I started on the ADs, even though H and I had a normal intimate R at the time, the satisfaction level for me went wayyyyyy down, due strictly to the meds and not to any failure on the part of my H. I was basically reduced to one fully satisfying encounter per year for the initial three years I was on ADs! It was totally frustrating for both of us, and I kept switching meds to try to find something that worked without that side effect. Is anyone surprised that I was so eager to get off of the ADs? It was a major catch-22 for me, because if I was on the ADs, it hurt the sexual R, and if I was off the ADs, I was a lot harder for H to deal with all around because of the untreated depression...so no matter what choice I made, it was hard on my M.

I finally got off the ADs, with my doctor's okay, and I did all right for a while (the sex was much better, though!), but then started sliding down into major depression again. I was trying to find non-drug ways to deal with it, but the depression made it hard to actually follow through with those possibilities (which is the same sort of thing I am dealing with now). I resisted going back on the AD's, in large part because of what I just explained, and so that's why I was off of them when the bomb hit 2 years ago.

I was back on the ADs within 2 days of the bomb, but it took over 2 months to get the kinks worked out (we tried a new AD and it didn't work at all, so had to take even longer to switch), so it was 10 weeks of intense suffering for me after the bomb before the ADs even started to kick in (not counting the month before the bomb when I had strongly suspected what was going on, but didn't have confirmation yet). The AD I was on most recently (which I quit because I have no money and no health insurance) was the first one that seemed to have only a minimal effect on my sexual response, but by that time it was too late...H has not indicated any interest in me of that type since the bomb.

I have just told this long-winded story to explain how ADs can and do affect sexual stuff. In the case of ADs in men, obviously they have more of an effect on whether sex happens at all. Your BF needs to see his doctor about this; they are coming out with new ADs all the time, and there's no way to tell how they will affect an individual other than trial and error, so keep trying. It took me 7 different meds to find something that seemed to work without too many side effects, which might seem discouraging, but just remember, I did eventually find something. And there are plenty of non-drug possibilities too; it's just that those are usually more work than popping a pill, so it's harder to get those started if you're already depressed...so ideally you would start on those before you quit the ADs.

Hope that helps!

Peace,
Dawn