I get everything you're saying here except: "the more detached you are the better." What does that mean? Detach myself so I minimize my hurt when she doesn't come back to me?
There is a lot of talk here on many threads about detaching. It is not to minimize the hurt, it is IMO to:
a) get on with and enjoy your life (overcome the paralyzing fear of D and being so impacted and manipulated by W and the events that unfold) b) stop pursuing c) become a more attractive prospect to W or another woman in the future
There are many who believe you cannot repair or enter into a healthy relationship without detaching. It just means you are an autonomous whole person with or without your W. I know it is confusing but others can attest to the value of it.
But, you get there when you get there. To start, you've got to start forgiving yourself and focusing on your life without her.
