Perhaps I can provide some insight. I lived in a SSM for years with a man who was not my lover. He eventually became the WAS. But, at one point I came close to leaving because I wanted to be with a man who would be my lover. I easily could have been the one who left because of the emptiness of living without a true romantic partner.
If I had stopped sharing a bedroom with XH and had had the smallest taste of having a lover, I would have been loathe to share a bed with XH again. Way too depressing, demoralizing. Sharing a bed with a man who is not your lover merely intensifies the pain of not having a lover.
Doc has not been his W's lover. Perhaps if he stops putting the cart before the horse and stops rehashing the past and stops seeking guarantees, while at the same time genuinely involving himself in a romantic/sexual R with W, he may yet find a warm body in his bed when he sleeps. For sure, though, he first needs to demonstrate heat between the sheets.
