I feel for you and like many other people here, I have felt that pain too. What will happen to my family, my kids, me? I let that pain rule my life until I finally had enough.
I am going to tell you something you may not want to hear, but its the truth. Until you detach, you will continue to have the emotions you are having right now. It doesn't mean giving up. It means you go to the worst place this sitch could go in your mind and realize that even then, you will still be alive and will still have your boys. She can't take those things away from you. Once you detach, and only then, will you stand a chance os influencing your W.
You may think you can't detach. That's natural at first. But, what choice do you have? You have no other choice if you want to save your M possibly.
Anyone ever get these jags? How do you get out of them?
Of course! We all do. I think you go through them enough times and you realize that you are still ok. Eventually, you find a way to focus on areas of your life that gratify you and give you peace of mind. AND, know that you can feel joy again, even today, even in the middle of all of this nightmare, you really can.
O, I too feel your pain, I'll tell you what I have been using lately to pull myself out of a difficult mood. It's all about PMA a couple of weeks ago while at a family reunion I was sitting beside one of my cousins friends eating supper when my S3 came up to me and told me he was full and wanted to go play with the other kids.
I quietly told him that was fine and to go ahead and play, this woman that I have known for quite a few years, although not really well, turned to me and said " I love the tone that you use with your kids, you're a great father".
So whenever I'm feeling down I just try to bring up that event and it always puts a smile on my face, and most often pulls me out of my "Funk".
It might seem over simplified but it seems to work for me.
Me 42, Her 34 M 3yrs, T 8yrs D 5 S 3 S 2 ILYBINILWY 02/09 Sleeping in same bed/with intimacy "I,m done" her words: 05/28/09 She's trying again 06/25/09 Second "I'm done" 07/11/09 She's trying again.
I'm there with ya. But you know, these guys are right. Your ability to pull yourself up and pump positive energy, be a source of positive energy is what will make the difference.
Kids, music, exercise, find something. Yesterday I jumped rope until I couldn't breathe anymore, and it made me feel better. I play guitar and sing and I feel better. Take action for you.
I am going to tell you something you may not want to hear, but its the truth. Until you detach, you will continue to have the emotions you are having right now. It doesn't mean giving up. It means you go to the worst place this sitch could go in your mind and realize that even then, you will still be alive and will still have your boys. She can't take those things away from you. Once you detach, and only then, will you stand a chance os influencing your W.
That's great advice from GIMA, Orich. I would add to that, "As hard as it is, you have to stop thinking of your wife as being even a source of your comfort, much less your primary one. Even if you reconcile, she likely won't be that for many, many months. You've got to find your comfort right now from God, your family, your friends, and this forum.
You've got to find your comfort right now from God, your family, your friends, and this forum.
I know, it's tough. But it's imperative.
And from yourself! Self-esteem and self-image come from WITHIN!
Self-comfort. Self-care. They are skills, and just like any other skill, they may feel strange and awkward at first. But they can be learned and practiced and they will improve (rapidly) with the investment of a little time.
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
Good to see you again, puppy. You are right. I spent the entire hour long drive home in prayer. No one was home when I got there, they went to a movie. I sat on my deck and ate dinner alone. I was mixed with sadness and relief that she wasn't home. They'll be home soon, I'll help put them to bed, then turn In myself. Thanks everyone. This forum is a Godsend.
Me-40 W-41 Together-10 M-8 S-6 S-4 Bomb 5/08 Bomb 10/08 Thought things were better, was wrong. Still living together Wife doesn't think she will ever love me again.
My words may not be ones that a LBS would want to hear when they are in so much pain, but I have to think that the main reason you (or anyone) does not detach in their stitch is b/c they don't want to. You are afraid. You are afraid that the love you feel for her will go away. Am I right or wrong?
I have read your thread and many others who just can't detach, and that is what I see.....fear. It can't be fear of the WAW not loving you b/c that is how she already seems to be "now".....so I am wondering if it leaves one thing.....well, maybe more but... the biggest is fear of losing your own feelings of love for her. If that happened.....what then? What would life hold for you? Your life would be completely changed, wouldn't it? And....you don't want that to happen. You don't want to stop loving her.
I am just wondering about it and you can tell me I'm right or wrong...or crazy.....b/c I don't know.
I hope the pain eases up soon, Orich.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
