My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[aliveandkicking]

Did you make it clear that this is NOT about you and her but about the welfare of your kids?

IMO you need to stop thinking about your M and focus on the kids exclusively.

Stop acting like she is a victim to this guy. I get her hooking up with someone and you have NO say over that, period. But, the kids are your domain.

I understand your worry. The fear of divorce hangs over you, believe me I relate but you've got to face reality here.

Again- “This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

[Stronger]

Are you trying to be nice to this guy or what?
Yes this is a victory and it's a huge sign, to me, that YES she does still care about you.
He's gunning for your wife and at this point, I see it as an even game. She is YOUR WIFE. He's dating her. What are you willing to do advance your score? You want to play nice with HIM? Stop that thinking right now.
And someone up there is right, it's creepy for the kids.

BUT in the meantime, keep NOT bad mouthing him to the kids. That's a gentleman thing to maintain, kudos there to you.

But go get your white knight suit and start polishing it....it's time to knock her socks off.

[aliveandkicking]

By the way, what pressure are you putting on her??? To not have her kids around him? Give me a break. Unless there is more to your conversation (regarding your M with her etc.), I don't see you putting pressure. You are rationally discussing the well-being of your kids, right?

Separate the issues and she will NOT feel pressure. I get the feeling you are conveying that this is about the two of you and not the kids. Possible?

[aliveandkicking]

Yes this is a victory and it's a huge sign, to me, that YES she does still care about you.

I sincerely question that her willingness to be more mindful of the impact her R is having on her children has anything to do with him. I think that is mixing apples and oranges. If it pans out, great, but she is exhibiting that she still cares about her kids and MAYBE him.

Better get brass b*lls with the Knight suit cuz this could go either way and the more detached you are the better.

[Stronger]

I agree discussing the well being of the kids is nothing that should cause pressure on her. I see why you think that though, but really it was her fault for jumping the gun with not only the introduction, but the actual sleeping there.....that amazes me.

On the bright side, she does want to take steps back in this new relationship....
On the oh no side, she's thinking long term and wants no trouble if this should go the bad way.

But lets be positive, OK?

[aliveandkicking]

On the bright side, she does want to take steps back in this new relationship....

Can you point out where you see this exhibited? I just want to understand. I see her begrudgingly cooperating for the benefit of the kids and worrying about how OM is going to react.

I am not trying to be negative. I just think it is very important to differentiate between the kid issues and the grown up issues. And, I want to get on the same page here if I can be of any help.

Thanks.

[RedSoxFan]

On the bright side, she does want to take steps back in this new relationship....

Can you point out where you see this exhibited? I just want to understand. I see her begrudgingly cooperating for the benefit of the kids and worrying about how OM is going to react.

I too see her begrudgingly cooperating for the benefit of the kids and worrying about how OM is going to react. She claims she was trying to put herself first for a change and she reluctantly admits she made a mistake. She has not suggested that she intends to stop dating this guy or to suddenly hide him from the kids...she only agreed to dramatically minimize the kids exposure to him. The only little thing that might possibly suggest that she still has feeling for me is her agreement to hold off on divorce if I stopped harassing her about seeing OM.

[RedSoxFan]

Yes this is a victory and it's a huge sign, to me, that YES she does still care about you.

I sincerely question that her willingness to be more mindful of the impact her R is having on her children has anything to do with him. I think that is mixing apples and oranges. If it pans out, great, but she is exhibiting that she still cares about her kids and MAYBE him.

Better get brass b*lls with the Knight suit cuz this could go either way and the more detached you are the better.

I get everything you're saying here except: "the more detached you are the better." What does that mean? Detach myself so I minimize my hurt when she doesn't come back to me?

[RedSoxFan]

I agree discussing the well being of the kids is nothing that should cause pressure on her. I see why you think that though, but really it was her fault for jumping the gun with not only the introduction, but the actual sleeping there.....that amazes me.

I honestly cant believe the sleeping over thing either. I really hurt her badly when I left and this guy is making her feel good and making her feel like everything is alright.

With respect to the kids I think she is fuming because she feels I'm calling her on right and wrong after what I did. She is really struggling to process that.

[Stronger]

Sure. When you don't give a sh!t how your spouse feels and you are confident in your new relationship, that this new man is going to be a big part of your kid's lives, why step back? Keep moving forward. Keep the sleep overs. Minimize the contact with Dad as much as possible.

She's not shutting you out of their lives. And of course his reaction will be a concern, but that's her problem.

When people want out, THEY JUST LEAVE. I've seen it twice with friends of mine. And I've bee told by others who've been divorced for years, when they left, they left. Done and nothing the other spouse said or did made any kind of difference.