I am all for your advice. I guess I've been looking at it like I walked out on her 10 months ago. How can I fault her for going on with her life? Admittedly we are not divorced and I still love her and want to save our family but she was just chugging along until I healed myself, popped up and asked her to reconcile. That must feel really rude from her perspective. I do want to give her a fair chance. The thing with the kids really complicates things and confuses me. In the end I have to put the kids first.
BTW. I am in no way afraid to act. I just want to be smart
Ok, IMO you need to separate your misdeeds and desire to reconcile from the issues that involve the kids. You are actively submitting that they are related. Stand your ground and make that distinction with her and with yourself.
You can cut her all of the slack in the world regarding her treatment of you or desire to be with OM but you need to be calm, measured, clear and consistent regarding the kids. I think you need to stop ALL pursuing of any kind so you can first gain trust in the co-parenting department. She should know that you accept her decision, that you are living your own life and that you are only interested in co-parenting. She will not trust your input with the kids if she feels you are making a play for her.
Nothing that happened or happens between the two of you diminishes either of your responsibility to the kids.
Again, make it safe for her to trust you as a co-parent FIRST and foremost.
