Life has yet again taken another twist. I received flowers today from H. Well, D5 said they were from her too. They are beautiful and something that I haven't received from H in years.
I talked to my BIL and he told me that H has been a mess since being home in IN.....crying, throwing up, telling them that he'll do anything he needs to do to not only do right by his family (me and D5), but getting his life straightened out.
H and I talked for a little while last night. The only time I've really seen my H cry was over the death of his mother and the birth of our daughter. I've never seen him throw up over anything. H said these things.....some of them while crying.
* You talked to me a couple of years ago about a program you wanted us to attend (Retrouvaille). I want to go. I want the information. I want to sign us up. I don't care what it costs or what I have to do, I want to go with you.
* I know that when I get upset I react and say things quickly before thinking. I know that needs to change.
* All these years whenever something got hard to handle, my first reaction was to run from it, whether that meant moving to a new state or an affair...etc. I'm tired of running.
* I need help. I need to talk to someone. I want to find someone that I can talk to, preferably a pastor.
* I know that you deserve more and I know that I don't deserve another chance but I just need the chance to prove to you that I can and will change for good this time.
* I want to be the father that D5 needs and deserves. I want to be there for her.
* I want to be the husband/man you deserve.
* I have told OW to never contact me again, that she will never hear from me. I have told her my decision is final. She is erased from my phone and in my mind, from my life. She and her family and any friends we had in common are gone from my FB account.
These are all things that I have NEVER heard my H say before. I'm unsure about things. I've told him that I don't think he can change. He said that he's certain this time that he can...that he's hit a bottom and realized what he had to lose.
I know that he has a long way to go in proving any of this to me. He said that he knows I won't change my mind overnight. I am very skeptical. I am also very confused.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
