I'm new wondering if this works...

[Energizer Bunny]

Welcome. You will find a lot of people here who can relate closely with your situation.

As I understand it, the information in the books is not all about giving up. It is about changing things that aren't working. If what we were doing in the past wasn't working, do something different. Maybe going dark isn't the option for you. Doing a 180 from what you have been doing may though. It appears from what you wrote that your husband wants to see change.

Do you see things in your life that you could/should/want to change? Do you see ways to improve yourself? (for yourself and for your marriage) Unless you try something new, H will continue to feel that nothing is changing. (even after things change it will likely take him a while to see it)

Some of the things depend on your situation too. For example, if he feels that he has been neglected you would want to treat it a lot differently than if he has been feeling smothered or nagged.

One thing I do know is that forcing relationship talks rarely goes well. Pursuing doesn't generally pan out for the better either.

Can you give any more information on your situation?

What would H like to see changed?