Sandi has also taught me quite a bit about detatchment including the following quote from my thread which hit home ...
Quote:
When you finally drop that rope, then you won't CARE what she does and you won't discuss anthing with her b/c you DON'T CARE! Only you can reach that point in your attitude. Nobody can do it but you and once you're there.....you will feel it in your spirit b/c you will have a sense of peace and you'll stop thinking, worrying, and fretting over anything in this stitch. You will move forward with your own life. Isn't that worth achieving? That is the only thing that stands a chance in h3ll of your W ever stopping to consider that she might just be wrong in what she's doing. However, it will not work.....it simply CANNOT work as a ploy to get her to wake up and go back to you. You see, the WAW knows when you have truly dropped the rope. THEY KNOW! They can see it in your eyes and hear it in your voice. The see it in your attitude. THEY KNOW. You cannot fake it, you have to "arrive" at dropping the rope.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
That pretty much says it all. I knew I had detached when thoughts of my W and D almost became an after thought. No stress. No worry. NO FEAR. Outcome just doesn't matter anymore.
When I finally detached, I noticed that I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be in a loving relationship with other women. I didn't care anymore about what my W did or thought. I only saw happiness for myself going forward...hope had returned back into my life. I saw myself again as a loving person. It's the lack of hope for the LBS that's drives their emotions during this time. It's imperative that the LBS detaches as soon as possible...it's their only way to reclaim their hope and dreams for the future.
I recently have found myself "re-attached" to my W as I wait for her response this upcoming Saturday. Regardless of her answer, I'm going to be happy...with or without her. A good friend of mine dealt with a WAS...she returned to him, but he now wonders if he made a mistake by accepting her back.
Maybe some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers. Who knows?
-LFH
ME: 38 W: 35 D2.5 and S5 Married 12 years Separated (same house, different rooms) INILWYAM by W: 4/16/2009 The day W requested a D: 4/17/2009
When I finally detached, I noticed that I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be in a loving relationship with other women. I didn't care anymore about what my W did or thought. I only saw happiness for myself going forward...hope had returned back into my life. I saw myself again as a loving person.
Very well put. I felt those things as well. I think I finally accepted myself for me. I finally thought I'm ok, I'm worth loving.
You know, this only hit me just now when you mentioned W and kids getting a cat while you were away. That's a sign. One does not get a cat when one has any insecurities whatsoever about where one will be living. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find an apt. that accepts pets?
Cheers,
And happy Kitty!
Dia
The trouble with having an open mind is that people put things in it.
My sitch - Divorce Busted! http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1804137#Post1804137
I must really be detached b/c that thought had not occured to me. I suppose you're probably right.
Everything she does these days points to not leaving. She talks about things "we" will do that are months out. She is acting like my W, at least when it comes to talk and interaction.
Funny you said on your thread that you felt last night you may have to be the one to initiate acts with your H b/c maybe he's waiting for you to do that. I have had that thought too and even had it last night. I have been the one to head to bed before her, and last night she seemed almost sad I was foing to bed. Nothing specific she did, just a sense I picked up on with her tone of voice when I said I was turning in.
But, I am going to keep handling this the DB way. She will have to approach me when she's ready.
But, I am going to keep handling this the DB way. She will have to approach me when she's ready.
There have been several times I have been close to suggesting to you to just "have the talk" with her and say let's get this sh*t together and fix it. But I think you are right, keep doing what you are doing and wait for her to bring it on. It will be that much stronger then.
H35 W34 S4 | T-10 yrs M-6 yrs WAW said M over 04/09 | Living separate since 09/09 Thread #1 Thread #2 Thread #3
There have been several times I have been close to suggesting to you to just "have the talk" with her and say let's get this sh*t together and fix it. But I think you are right, keep doing what you are doing and wait for her to bring it on. It will be that much stronger then.
Man, I can't tell you how many times I have felt that way.
I do not plan to stay in this state for an extended period of time. I think I will know when I have to bring it up if she doesn't. I just don't think right now is the time. Let's get some "dating" going first.
Wow, she left this morning to take my S to an appointment before school, and she had a sundress and heels on. Down boy! Definitely got my attention. But, I feel like I have this great Christmas present that I can't play with. Will be working out to the point of exhaustion later today.
