Moving on with my life!

[Startingover2]

Had a good weekend. Exh sent a few texts early and then went MIA. Back to normal...whatever that is.

I really think my lonliness is a huge trigger for me when it comes to him. Catch 22...I don't want to date, yet am so dang lonely! I am also overwhelmed with my home, my other kids needs, the baby, money, trying to figure out how to live $$ wise alone! I am not really happy with my weight. I have put on maybe 10 pounds since exh left last year. I am now up about 30 pounds from my pre pregnancy weight. I know I need to lose it to feel better about myself I just feel so emotionally tapped out and cannot add another thing to my list. I know its a copout, but the thought of being hungry all the time sucks! Stupid me also thinks if his new gf seriously only weighs 80 or 90 pounds, I am twice her size. Yuck.

[SophieL]

Hi Startingover2

<<<<hugs>>>>

It is hard. Having to deal with it all alone sucks big time!

Perhaps try making one small change to your life - a reading group or a free class you can attend each week? Is there anyone who can babysit for you whilst you do this? Anything to make a small difference yet not be too much of an effort that you wont be able to maintain it.

If not, could you try doing something different with your kids that you dont do at present?

Giving yourself something to look forward to is the best thing you can do for yourself.

Fwiw - your post resonated strongly with me - it's how I've felt many many times.

Take care
S

[Startingover2]

Thank you SophieL. I hate that people are in the same boat as me, but at least I am not crazy!

Exh is trying hard to be my best buddy. He is venting and asking advice about his d14. Shes a good kid, just taking a wrong path. Guess I have new gf beat hands down as I have other older kids. Gf's are younger. Maybe that is why he is coming to me.

Scary though. I don't want to be rude, but don't want to be sucked in either.

[Startingover2]

Ahhhh....its Tuesday and tomorrow is Wednesday. Its exh's DUI classes and gf usually takes him. I bet he will fall off the planet and I will barely hear from him.

[Startingover2]

I need some good things to come my way! When it rains it pours.

My pool cover motor is having issues and cannot open pool...guy comes out and tells me it will be roughly $600 to fix it!

My daughter needs to finish paying for her classes at college this week! $400.

I need to make my car payment on a car I stupidly bought when I got pregnant and exh and I were merging families again. Wayyyy too big now as my other kids drive but I can't get rid of it because I am upside down! I wish I kept my other smaller SUV.

I hate being a single mother!

[blindsided1]

Focus on those positives.
Pool can wait.
Daughter is, at least, going to college.
You have a car.
You ARE a mother.

Positives, my dear. You are focusing too much on Ex, too. Sorry for the tiny 2X4...but, I have been noticing the lonliness in your posts. You're too good for that. Focus on you and that babygirl. Come visit us.

[S.T. _I Made It!]

good job B!

yes SO2, you still have many positives.

Is there anyway you can cut something out of your life and make time for you to exercise? this weight that you have, and I know you know this, will only make everything harder. I know I need to lose 10 lbs myself as well. We will feel better, more energy, better confidence, and better mood.

I think this is really important for you to do. it's not that you need to starve, you should still eat, and eat several meals a day, but just change what your eating. cut the pop, the sweets, the extra carbs, and go for more fruits and veggies. and drink a ton of water.

and don't get sucked into xH's tornado! lol

btw, I thought your text back to him was funny.

[Startingover2]

St and BS...love you guys.

I was walking faithfully. It was helping, but not overall like the gym would have but I have the baby so leaving her to go to the gym wont work. When I get down and/or overwhelmed I bail on exercise. I overeat as well. I managed to get out and walk again yesterday. Was nice. Hoping to go again today.

I am trying to keep contact with exh to business only. Its hard. For example, last night he texts after his meeting.

Exh: How is baby?
Me: Shes great.
Exh: Whats wrong?
Exh: Whats wrong?
Me: Nothing. Doing well.
Exh: No, you are acting strange again. Are you in a mood?
Me: Nope..happy.
Exh: D14 made the team. Thought you would want to know.
Me: Good for her!

If I pull away he thinks I am in a bad mood or mad. I want him to see I am a happy person without him. Why does he think I am miserable without him? Uggh.

Oh, and I can always tell when he is with gf. The texts are all business like. He sent one in the afternoon, must have been on his way to meeting with gf "give baby kiss for me. Thanks" then he sends the chatty ones when she isn't around.

[blindsided1]

Good on keeping your interactions brief. The only teeny tiny little thing that I noticed in this last post is....

" I want him to see I am a happy person without him"

...sorry, but who cares how HE sees you. YOU should want to see yourself happy without him. Let me tell you something that I have just recently realized....THEY KNOW. They know when we are acting...they feel it....they know when you are reaching out with idle chit chat (even if it's about the baby)...they KNOW when we are still pining away for them.....How do they know? They can feel it. I believe this with every part of my being. Until YOU feel solid and independant of ExH. Until you feel happy and content and confident with yourself. Until you don't spend all this time worrying and analyzing and questioning what ExH is or isn't doing....until then...he will know you are still available for the taking.

Now, I am not saying this from an expert opinion. I just really believe this because I have felt it before. It took me a while to realize it until I was reminded of a sitch where I was being pursued. The second he was "over" me....that's when I stood up and took notice...then I pursued him.

I'm just saying that you have to believe in you and stop worrying about doing things to get a reaction or feeling from ExH.

I love you. I'm strong right now. That's why I can post like this. I just know when I backslide ...you'll probably be the strong one at that time...we kinda work that way, huh?

[Reincarnated]

You know what, bs, I think you are on to something.

We were connected to these people for a long time.

I was able to feel when my X was on the highway near me, in another car. I kid you not. It was creepy.

So, makes sense that they would know this, too.