H with 1foot out the door...LONG

[ginab1966]

Last night we went to therapy and it was a very productive session. Seems as though H really felt our R changed right when we got married. I got preg. on honeymoon. AKA...no more fun, no more spontaneous moments, no more date nights. I became a momma and forgot to be a wife. I beg to differ a bit but that's a fair statement. We got home and he was a bit quiet but we had another lovely evening and I slept in his bed again. This morning was great. I was feeling a bit of a chill coming off him when we laid down to sleep and he stayed as far away from me as humanly possible. Since I am co-dependant, I read into all of that and got very moody and grumpy and was going to push that mood onto him but this morning at 4:30am I was reading DB and came to the part about not doing the ice queen thing. I didn't and he responded brilliantly. I even made him his lunch and he seemed very appreciative. (this is somethign that I used to do for him but stopped and I think he misses it)

So, my dilemma is that today he called me and said that he wants to try...really, really try (not just say he's trying and pretend to try) and he wants to talk tonight about boundries and needs/wants. How the heck do I approach this? I'm not to that part in the book yet and I'm going to be able to read it before we talk. I know at the beginning of the book it told me to list my goals for the relationship. Can that be sort of what I should talk to him about? He was asking me for a divorce 2 days ago so I really, really want to tread lightly but I also need him to understand my needs. Case in point. One of the things I need in our relationship is for us to continue counseling as a couple. I can't force him to continue individually but he does have some true issues and should continue. I would love for us to spend a date night or something like it..without D..at least once per month (we will need to work babysitting $$ in to the budget). I would like to see him be for engaged in the financial decisions in the house. ( I make them all right now and pay all the bills). I would like us to try and find an activity, fun thing to do that we both enjoy. (bowling, pool, etc) He really wants to add the fun back into our lives and so do I. It's just hard when you are so broke.

I know this could be a real make or brake conversation and I really don't want to do the wrong thing. I don't want this to end up being a blame game session or a shaming session.

I cannot even believe he's saying he wants to try. I'm so proud of him (is that condecending to say). I know what it's taking for him to reengage because I was there and if you told me he had it in him I would've never believe it. God, I really do love this man...the proof is that I loved him even when he wasn't willing to try.

what happens if he askes me to adhear to a boundry that I think is not fair? I know he's going to ask me to give up one of my friends completely and I think there may be an area for gray there. I don't think it has to be black and white. I think I need to change our friendship dynamic but not get rid of her altogether. Do I just say "hey, is a friendship worth the loss of your marriage"? or Do I say "If you agree to something that you don't want to, sooner or later you will resent him for it." Am I overanalyzing this too much? Do you all just want me to shut up and stop asking so many dang questions? LOL

Sorry...

Come on my DB'ing posse. Help a girl who's a very newbie at this. I don't want to blow it!!!

Gina B