Here's my day....my H wants to hang out with ex OW as she is soon leaving town. She will be gone one week from this Friday.
It bugs me to no end but I have to deal with it as best I can, which is a struggle to put it mildly.
So, I made it clear, you go out with her alone, you're stepping across a line that just hurts too bad for me. You go out with her and some other work folks, I'll deal with it. And if you do plan to go out with her I want to know and I would like if you would come home to us. (Which he agreed to a few weeks ago when I knew the going away party was coming and I really wanted to say DON'T GO AT ALL!!)
He was all pissy about it, called me controlling and at first I said it's about my comfort and then another DBer gave me better....It's a trust issue. I can't stop him from going out with her. I accept this painfully, but I do. I can ask him to not go out with her alone with an explanation of how this hurts me and him coming home to me, means he's not with her and again, builds some trust for me. (When I asked him to come home to me because I then know he's not going home with her he said "I've never gone home with her, why would that start now?" I would still like him next to me.)
So I've set my boundaries and tried to be fair at the same time. Not sure I succeeded, but we'll see. I told him honestly, I just want you to not be in a position where you are going to do something with her physically. I know I could have had a BIG stink about him hanging out with her at all, but for me and our situation, it felt wrong to do that.
But I too have that oggly moogly feeling in my gut.
The last thing he said when we spoke last is that I have made it so he wouldn't enjoy himself anyways. I was thinking "GREAT MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!" But said nothing. And he added at this point I have no plans to do anything with anyone. He said he would tell me if that changes.
AAAARRRRGGGGGGGGG.
I was going to let it all go and not react. I guys, I know that's what some of you are going to say I should have done. Well, tough. I have feelings about this that I'm not going to sit on and let fester until I punch him in his sleep. This is how I feel. He wants to be with me, he'll respect it. If he possibly wants to give up making love to me for the rest of his life to hang out with her alone for a few hours....not to brag, but that's a horrible decision.
