My gut says stay engaged but its hard to know how much. I'm also second guessing myself a lot. Some days I feel strong and in control and others I'm sad, scared and struggling to make it through the day dues to anxiety. Yesterday she was very pleasant, today she seems more distant. Maybe she's just being nice to make sure I help out with the kids school clothes...Ive spent several hundred dollars in the last few days. Maybe she just agreed to stop sleeping over at his house with the kids because she fears I'll make a stink or challenge her parental rights. I have the kids this weekend and I'm already down and hurting because she'll be with this guy for the entire weekend. I dont know how to feel this constant pain without it slowly driving me away from her forever. I fear that we're going to lose our family and I honestly believe that we'll both regret it in 5 years...I know I will. But I feel powerless to do anything and I'm petrified to do the wrong thing.
This is the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. The toughest challenge with the most at stake. How to keep going?
You, like me, will second guess yourself until we both hear those words in some fashion "I love you and you are my spouse" from our spouses. (I bet my husband says Wife and your wife says Husband.... )
This is really really hard crap. I still have my down days, like today, becasue as much as we know we can't react, we do. Their crap is much to deal with and it takes a toll and sometimes, you just want to scream.
You keep going because you have to. You keep going because you might just win. In my 34 years, I quit one thing....basketball and oddly enough, at 34, I will say it's on my list of regrets. I quit high school basketball. Who cares? Me. Not sure why, but I do and wish I hadn't. I even had good reasons....still wish....So if that's how I feel about high school basketball, and this is my marriage....duh, keep fighting.
This may help you get into a mind set to stay confident. How would you act if you knew she would be home in 200 days if you were her white knight, prince charming with a few warts, but well hidden? 150 days? 80 Days? Whatever, but she would be home? How would you act? What would you do?
What's your game plan?
I agree you can't come on too strong to be seen as overbearing, but you can put some thoughts into her head. And let him turn up the heat. Force his hand into that....do you think that's going to go over well? Of course not, she's confused....yeah she might really really like him. But she probably still has feelings for the father of her child too. He comes on too strong, it could do damage.
Instead of you being in a panic, send him into one. The more he pressures her to divorce, the more it will annoy her. That is a decision every person knows they have to make for themselves without anyone influencing them. To be badgered by someone about it will not go over well.
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