Anyway, last night taught me not to allow my negative feelings (probably anger based withdrawal) to dictate my decision/outlook b/c withdrawal, being fear based, is nothing but an emotional response. And, we cannot reach sound decisions based upon emotion.
I mentioned a book I have been reading in my own thread called A Return to Love by Marianne Willamson. She talks about acting out of love instead of fear as a key thing to do in life. She said that if you constantly try to act out of love (and in our case don't forget to love yourself) the right things will happen. If we act out of fear we are surrendering to evil. It is a very religious book, so beware if you aren't a spiritual person. It sounds simplistic and you have to read the book to get it really, but when faced with emotional reactions to things I have been focusing on this and it is helping me.
I am also 'getting it' about detatchment. I understood it from an intellectual standpoint all along, but I think I am finally feeling it which is a big difference. I am feeling it for the same reasons you are GIMA.
In my case I am starting to realize how disrespectful and foolish my W really is, but at the same time I haven't really acted in ways that garner respect I realize. It isn't enough to be a father and good provider (it should be, but it isn't). This all hit me after reading No More Mr. Nice Guy and reading posts from gucci, puppy, and coach.
ME/XW:47 S21, D19, S15, S14 M:21 T:26 W moved 6/10 I filed 7/10 D final 4/12 remarried 8/12 W wants to R 12/10 and 4/11 but I decline
