Divorce not busted 2

[eternaloptimist]

Nothing in my life so far has been as hard as this. Every fiber of my being is screaming for me to beg and plead with her to come back to me. We are supposed to be together. If we are apart, the whole space-time continuum will implode. Yet I have to separate myself from her to make sure I am the man I am supposed to be, with or without her. Preferrably with, but I have to be sure I will be ok without.

Hi, hope you don't mind my commenting on your sitch. My H left our marriage and we've been separated since August 4th (together 21 years, married for 17). I couldn't help but ID with what you wrote---I've felt like I was going to implode without him too. It's not that I'm co-dependent; I've done a lot of exploration into that. I just felt like we were always going to be together forever to raise our son with love, patience, and give him all of the things we never had as kids, a stable home life. We even used to sign our cards "Love Always and Forever."

I have had the most difficult time detaching too. It's terrifying, isn't it, to think that you should do the opposite of what you want to do---run into their arms and tell them how much you love them, how you forgive them and want to work on things? Lately, I've really just tried to keep telling myself over and over again that it is healthier for me and our son to turn my fear and anger into compassion and focus on love and forgiveness. In the end, I can't make my H do anything. But I've realized something else, and maybe this will help you: The more I focus on my spouse, the LESS PRESENT I am for myself and for our son. I'm tired of putting my energies into the fear and I'm letting go...not of my marriage vows, but letting go of what I cannot control. Again, it's terrifying. But it's helping me to move forward a little each day.

The one consolation with this DB board is that we are not alone in our grief. There are so many other ppl going through the same or similar things here. I hope this helps you get through another day.