Had a good weekend at the lake with my H. More drama with the friend unfortunately last night and today. I'll keep it short but she's really not doing anything to help herself and is overmedicating herself again. She's only getting therapy every other week which is just not enough.
My H has told her he's done. He cannot be her only friend and support person. He told her it's taking a toll on his health, it's not good for our relationship, and it puts him in a terrible spot between her and the H. Hallelujah!
He continues to say all the right things so far. Still just taking it one day at a time. He actually called the insurance co. called today to get a referral for individual counseling - which is huge!
Puppy hope your D20's situation has improved. Have a good week!
My H has told her he's done. He cannot be her only friend and support person. He told her it's taking a toll on his health, it's not good for our relationship, and it puts him in a terrible spot between her and the H. Hallelujah!
This is excellent, M. I hope he lives up to this. He seems to have a strong realization of what is "The Right Thing To Do," but as you know, it's the "doing" that is the difficult thing.
That's so true Puppy. It's taking a toll on both of us. Just way too much stress!
I'd love to tell you the full complete story but it would just be way too long! Basically her H filed a restraining order against her as soon as she got out of the hospital so she couldn't even live in her own home. Classy guy - huh?! Yesterday at the hearing it was decided that they can all live on different floors of their home. He'd lied on the restraining order and didn't have a very good case. I can't see this situation working at all! Her H will continue to try and bait her and record what she says to use against her. I think money has become his god and all he cares about is how much he's going to have to pay her. And quite frankly, I'm not so sure that he's not trying to push her to commit suicide.
On a positive note, we leave Thursday night on our 25th anniversary trip. My H asked if we could leave Thursday nite instead of Friday morning and extend our trip a little bit.
My H has said he knows that we are going to work things out, it's just going to take some time. We spent the weekend together at the lake. He did a lot of talking about the future (for example, where we want to live after our youngest son graduates from high school).
I think the individual counseling for him will be a huge help. I continue to see my counselor every other week.
Anyway, I'll let you know how the anniversary trip goes! Take care! Best wishes!
Had a good time on Friday and Saturday. Sunday he was anxious and said he didn't know why. He's been moody since Sunday - claims he's just tired. Having some problems with ML - said maybe he has deep seated issues he needs to work through? I'm hoping he'll make his individual counseling appointment soon.
I'm finding myself still a little bit on an emotional rollercoaster. Feeling like we're making progress one day only to take two steps back the next. I still struggle some days with the "want to work on things" myself. I get really tired of feeling like I'm doing the majority of the work on improving things.
I was proud of myself last night. He's been rather short-tempered again. And I just said to him was it really necessary to talk to me that way?!
I know there is no quick fix for this and it's going to take some time. I haven't been able to exercise the last week - I'm going tonight which makes a huge difference for me! I just need to quit taking his issues and making them personal. It's just really hard not to do that!
I was proud of myself last night. He's been rather short-tempered again. And I just said to him was it really necessary to talk to me that way?!
That was good -- perfect, in fact. Continue to be patient, M, but also continue to constantly draw -- and enforce -- your boundaries like this. Do not tolerate rude or disrespectful behavior.
Puppy - Did some good work with my counselor Wednesday night. I'm working on strategies for myself to not make what he says or does about me. Because it's really about him - what he needs to work on for himself. Of course getting back to my regular exercise routine (and losing an additional pound)and taking anxiety medicine on those rough days sure help too! She(counselor) did say it would of probably have helped in the situation I described in my previous post where he was short-tempered with me (something fell out of the refrigerator on him and he had to clean it up) if I'd showed him a little empathy first. Said something like - I'm sorry that happened to you, do you need my help?
Whatever funk he was in earlier this week he seems to have worked through. We had a nice evening together last night. After I worked out, I stopped by to pick up my prescription and he was calling looking for me and asking when I was getting home. There was a nice surprise waiting for me. He and my youngest son had actually cleaned up the kitchen. I made sure to really thank him for that.
I work on a charitable committee at work and as a thank you we got free tickets to our firm's box seats for the baseball game on Sunday. Looking forward to that.
As you said I just need to stay focused on GAL right now. I'm here to support him but he has to work through his own issues just like I'm trying to work through mine.
Still going well. Neither of our sons wants to go to the lake this weekend (the oldest really can't because he's working - the youngest wants to go to the high school football game) so we're having another weekend alone at the lake - a long one. We're leaving tomorrow night and won't come back until Monday afternoon. I don't think we've spent this much time alone just the two of us in years!
My H has not contacted the friend nor has she or her husband called. My H's uncle died and after the funeral yesterday we did run into the husband while we're eating lunch out with my H's family. We just kept it cordial and short. So we don't really know how it's working with the two of them living in the same house.
My H hasn't scheduled his individual counseling yet. Sure wish he'd do that! At least things are continuing in a positive direction! I'll continue to check in periodically.
Puppy et al..Update from long weekend just the two of us -
We got along well. It rained most of the weekend so not much fun in the sun. We did enjoy each other's company.
Received phone call (my H didn't take the call just let it go to voice mail)on Saturday morning from "the friend" because her H asked her to call because the treadmill we let her borrow while she was kicked out of their house (restraining order) was "obstructing his view" at their condo at the lake. My H decided he didn't feel like dealing with his ex-best friend. He'll deal with him this week. Said it ruined his weekend.
We're getting along fairly well. He still has a long way to go to work on his short-temperedness. Interestingly enough on the way home he mentioned that he needs to get his IC appointment scheduled. I just said "yes you do."
I still need to work through some resentment I have towards him about the last six months - don't feel it every day just days when I'm finding him challenging to be around. Still just taking it one day at a time. Changes don't happen overnight. I know mine haven't and I continue to work on them.
Hope your D is continuing to do well. Will continue to keep her in my prayers.
Finding myself struggling with my H's inability to finish during ML. Says he feels pressured. I didn't feel like I was the one initiating anything when we were at the lake this weekend but apparently he felt pressured? I don't know really what to make of this. I know it's his issue but it does hurt one's ego. He says that maybe he has deep seeded issues to work through.
We've still not had any R talk. Do I still just let things be? I mean at some point doesn't there need to be some R talk - setting boundaries etc.? Especially if our goal is that to put our marriage back together!
I feel like we're getting our friendship back but it's still not totally comfortable for me. He really needs to get started on IC! I know I shouldn't push that so I haven't brought it up. When he's brought it up I just confirm that I think it would be a good thing for him to do.
Am I still on track? I'm really trying to work on not having any expectations of him right now. I know I'm setting him up for failure and myself up for disappointment. It's just extremely hard!
She(counselor) did say it would of probably have helped in the situation I described in my previous post where he was short-tempered with me (something fell out of the refrigerator on him and he had to clean it up) if I'd showed him a little empathy first. Said something like - I'm sorry that happened to you, do you need my help?