Go for that job. It gets you back home and you don't manage a McDonalds. You don't even supervise. You have a very very specific skill set, hence why you had to take a job hours away in the first place.
Take the opportunity and apply for this job and let her know, "OH, yeah, I already knew about that job before you sent it to me, but thanks though."
Get back home to your boys CIPA. This is a no brainer.
Stronger,
There wasn't much question whether I would "apply", I'm just not going hold my breath waiting for it. I still have several recruiters working for me to find something. The crappy part of it is that I haven't gotten a single call since I started this job. I haven't stopped looking though.
As much as I would love to just have the kids and keep them away from the monster she has become, the right thing is that boys will need to see their mother. They should see their mother. I just want to minimize the damage to them as she goes down this horrible path.
So I am pursuing options of returning home, not just to improve my chances of getting primary, but also to be sure I can do what's best for the boys - seeing both their mother and father.
I still don't believe the future will hold a time where the woman I married appearing from the fog. I know you do. I'm trying to process all the emotions before I decide what I do. Ultimately though, it is out of my hands. Even if I do nothing, the divorce will be final Jan 2011
Holding on to believe
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
Well, that's simple CIPA, you haven't been there yet, you're still climbing to the top of the mountain. And when you get there, it's possible you won't see her trailing behind you. But I think you will.
Check out in Newcomers...W Can't Break EA...Now Wants to Separate. Read Robx's posts. I think it might be insightful for you.
Well, that's simple CIPA, you haven't been there yet, you're still climbing to the top of the mountain. And when you get there, it's possible you won't see her trailing behind you. But I think you will.
Check out in Newcomers...W Can't Break EA...Now Wants to Separate. Read Robx's posts. I think it might be insightful for you.
I have seen Robx's stuff in other threads. This is where I do agree, I will not continue to want/work/pursue a relationship when there are others involved. I have too much respect for myself to be second best or the backup plan.
All I know is that I am done pursuing her. If she ever pursues me, she may have found me moved on already. A while back, when I told her that about the job offer, I had told her that I have been trying over the past several weeks to find a way to stop loving her as she had seemed to have moved on. I told her that I couldn't find a way to stop. Remarkably, in the one instance 10 days ago, it has happened.
I do think about her, but more with grief of losing a loved one to death. Many people have said that divorce is worse than death as you constantly see the other. I do not see the woman I married anymore. Perhaps it's like the saying, love affects how you see someone. When I would see her in the past, she would glow and exude a radiance that warmed my heart and soul. Now when I see her (in the background of skype), I don't recognize the person.
Will I ever see the person I married again? Who knows. Will I care at the point? Only time will tell.....
Right now, I go back to what has kept me DB'ing. My boys. Before it was for the love I have for my wife as well. That part is gone and replaced with the pain/anger/hurt/saddness/darkness. Sucks but it's the reality.
The crazy part of it was a few weeks ago, she had said that since the seperation, she felt that she has become such a better person and recognized how I have as well. I couldn't believe the BS she had been trying to feed me.
My cousin last nite tried to tell me to hold onto the anger to prevent falling into saddness. I don't think it's the best advice, but I think he was just trying to make sure I wasn't hurting. He had always held onto anger to get through the woes of his life. I had done that when I was growing up on the streets. Anger had served its purpose, but it does not help find peace.
That is what I am searching for most now. Some peace and calm so I can regroup. My time with my boys is about recharging my joy/love in life, but at times I am really tired.
Last nite, I went to bed just before 1:00 AM. That was about 1.5 hours earlier than I had since I found out about her betrayal. It was the first nite where I slept for more than 5 hours, without waking up shaking and feeling the urge to vomit.
I sincerely doubt she is experiencing the same problems. So it seems like I am still punishing myself.
It is great to have people to talk to and this forum to vent/post. I think I would have lost my mind a long time ago without it.
FIDO - survive and thrive.....
Me 41 WAW 36 S 3&7 M 10 yrs W files D 1/9/09 W moves out 4/18 Lost job 6/15 New job 7/27 Disc PA 8/10 (started Nov 2008!) Confronted 8/11 Admits PA & appologies for hurt 9/11 Lost Job 11/13
DUDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Listen to me CIPA....this woman who wants to divorce you, who had cheated on you, blah blah blah just sent you an email about a job at HER COMPANY that you might be interested in.....??????
Am I the only one who sees this......??????
This is the beginning of remorse on her side CIPA. Yes, you were supposed to respond EXACTLY AS YOU DID. What's weak about Thank you? Isn't that the first thing we teach our children to say as soon as we know they are capable of being polite? Yes, thank you, it is.
Let me ask you this, if you really wanted to get away from someone, if you really didn't care what you had done in the past to hurt them, you just wanted out and away.....would you tell them about a job that would bring them closer to you?
Come on CIPA...open your eyes. I know the pain is beyond anything you've ever experienced and if you can't do it right now, don't worry, I'll do it for you for as long as you need me too.
Now, is the job something you would be interested in?
outstanding post of extremely wise counsel stronger, I am so glad that cipa has your help.
It was the first nite where I slept for more than 5 hours, without waking up shaking and feeling the urge to vomit.
I sincerely doubt she is experiencing the same problems. So it seems like I am still punishing myself.
cipa,
Your presumption as to what she is or isn't experiencing and being racked with guilt and all that comes along with that is entirely unfounded. Sure, what she is experiencing is not going to be the same as that which you are. But she is on a very rough and bumpy road in life right now.
I think that it is pretty clear that underneath all the major amounts of garbage that she does have love for you. And that love coupled with the gilt and more than likely shame of the crisis and pain that she has brought upon you is going to take a heavy toll on her if it isn't already beginning to happen.
SHe is to be pittied, Be detached but lovingly detached as you seem to be doing marvelously.
blah. Screwing another guy doesnt sound like remorse or Love to me.
These people are selfish and weak. There is NO EXCUSE for having an affair PERIOD.
When she is ready to do the WORK and wants to try to gain back your TRUST and RESPECT that is a different story.
Once again TWO WRONGS DONT MAKE A RIGHT!!! If you are hurting if you feel trapped then do something about it. Ask to go to couseling. Ask for a seperation. File for Divorce. Start sleeping with someone else. WRONG!!! All that shows is how superficial and selfish she is. Especially when you are a parent.
At what point do you stop letting somebody stomp all over your boundaries and values. How can that person ever RESPECT a spouse that lets them take advantage of them like that?
I'm done making excuses for people that are too weak to do the work do make themselves happy.
I think that it is pretty clear that underneath all the major amounts of garbage that she does have love for you. And that love coupled with the gilt and more than likely shame of the crisis and pain that she has brought upon you is going to take a heavy toll on her if it isn't already beginning to happen.
SHe is to be pittied, Be detached but lovingly detached as you seem to be doing marvelously.
Hey PMAB I don't think Tomato is saying that at all. And I think Tomato has a point. It's time to pity her and that doesn't mean forgiving her or doing anything relieve her guilt...she deserve every ounce of it and she deserves all of her own pain and the rest of CIPAs. I think the point is that we have no idea what the betraying spouse goes through, not really. It's a long hard road to get to the point where they cheat and I have to believe it's an even longer road to come home and ask for forgiveness.
I haven't known CIPA long, but I know him enough that I believe she believes there will never be forgiveness....doesn't mean she won't try to get some.
But yeah, those cheaters really do suck. Sucks more we love them.
"I think that it is pretty clear that underneath all the major amounts of garbage that she does have love for you. And that love coupled with the gilt and more than likely shame of the crisis and pain that she has brought upon you is going to take a heavy toll on her if it isn't already beginning to happen."
Totally disagree. She was having her cake and enjoying it. She heaped a ton of blame on him without accepting any responsibility. And now that she's caught with her hand in the cookie jar, she's trying to backpedal.
What the revelation did was slap her back into reality. Right now she's deep in the A cloud where everything is the LBS's fault. I'm still in that, so I know how it feels.
It sucks, but without remorse on the part of the WAS, her pitiful tokens of peace mean nothing. She has the job in one hand and a dagger in the other.
cipa, has she tried contacting you today? She seriously needs IC like my W.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
