Divorce not busted 2

[pigskin]

I agree, pigskin. I will give her the gift. I have come to accept that I won't get reactions from her like when I detailed her truck. Nothing then, either.
It carries over tot he mood swings of hers. You are right, the happy mood swings get my hope up, I try not to let the downward swings affect me.
The one thing that gets me nervous is how cold she is after her IC sessions. She won't talk about them, and I fear what they are talking about. But I don't dwell on it. It is what it is.

As you may know, my W and I did some counseling together after she did some solo, and I never came away from the sessions feeling better. Who knows what the counselor is saying; our guy seemed to take the position that he needed to help her "move on" which I hated. He changed his tune a bit later, but we stopped going after Retrouvaille.

[Orich]

One night after her session we had gotten into a discussion about the R, she brought it up. This was almost 2 months ago. I had asked if her IC was helping her deal with the recent deaths in her family and the perceived depression she was in (our MC seemed to think she was in a depression). She said that there were no issues of her past, that she and her IC were working on moving on after a D.
Since then I had gotten a text from her saying she didn't want to break up the family, etc. So I don't know what they discuss now.

[C-Bart]

I always was suspect the IC session my W was having as well. Seemed like every time she would go there would be a greater distance between us. I asked her how much time she spent talking about me. Answer about 50%!

Pigskin, I haven't followed you sitch. What were the result from Retro?

[pigskin]

I always was suspect the IC session my W was having as well. Seemed like every time she would go there would be a greater distance between us. I asked her how much time she spent talking about me. Answer about 50%!

Pigskin, I haven't followed you sitch. What were the result from Retro?

Well we finished the last of the post sessions and I have to say communication is MUCH better. No more holding on and stewing over things that are bothering us. If we have an issue, we discuss it immediately, which helps immensely.

It did not break my wife's EA, unfortunately (and technically all 3rd party relationships are encouraged to be ended before attending but we didn't want to wait for that). And it was tough on us; my wife even sent email to her OM following one of the most emotional days saying she loved and missed him. Very tough to take. She never had a "breakthrough" during the program, but we both feel it was very beneficial to both of us and can only help us going forward. Highly recommend it to everyone. Just don't expect a miracle.

[Orich]

The communication thing sounds really good. My W and I are both very good at not telling each other when something is bothering us, and we never used to talk at all about our R. We have held on and stewed about things, and for her, it came to a point where she lost her feelings for me because of it. I hope and pray that we both are able to do 180's in this area and really build up our M again.
Fortunately, W is not in any EAs or PAs, but she does have one foot out the door, so we will see how much effort she puts into the weekend.
I don't expect a miracle, but I do expect at least to have a clearer idea which way we are going afterwards. I think for her, if she isn't impressed, it might mean finally pulling the trigger. We'll see.

[gucci loafer]

W is not in any EAs or PAs,

Don't bet on it.

[Orich]

The money is already with the bookie.

[Thinker]

Just tell her that you are planning to do it. Be direct, give her enough notice etc, but don't beat around the bush or be wishy washy about it.

ie.

"Next month I am planning to go / do X for the weekend. I'll be gone from time a to time b. Let me know if have a conflict for that night and I'll arrange a babysitter for you...etc.

State your planned actions and take responsibility for the impact it causes.

Then do it. Go have fun.

[Orich]

Thanks, thinker.
How are you doing?

[sandi2]

I have this image of a LBS who is applying all the DB principles and I wished I knew how to put this image into words. For an example, if the LBS is the W, I see her being very much the center of her home and being like a "light" in that home that keeps things cheery and exciting for her family. They look forward to going home simply b/c "she" will be there and they know that things will not be boring or uncomfortable, but will be loving & fun. She is like...."Miss Personality" who enjoys her family, friends, and life in general. No matter what the circumstances, she makes the most positive way she can find. She works hard to make sure she looks her best at all times so that her H & children will feel proud to introduce her. She is a loving, protecting, fun mom. She flirts with her H and acts happy when he is near. Not b/c of "him" and how he is, but b/c of "her" and how she is. When he is in a grumpy mood, she doesn't seeem to notice that he isn't acting so nicely b/c she is so "active" with her children, friends, hobbies, home, etc. She doesn't allow a S who is in a "mood" to pull her down. Every man who knows her thinks her H is the luckiest man in the world to be M to her! She is sweet...but not to the point of being sickening. She has just enough sass and spunk to be very likable. She radiates with a healthy self-esteem and people repsect her. She is never clingly or "needy", but she knows how to make her H feel like he is important and needed. Most of all she know how to make him feel wanted. The great thing about this W is that she has enough self-respect that she demands "his" respect and he doesn't ever treat her like a doormat b/c he knows that he would lose somebody very valuable to him. She has the confidence of a queen but has a humble heart.

I would go farther but have to go back to work (lol). There is a point in a M that this example cannot be used, but if it were used in the beginning of signs of trouble, I think it would help solve a lot of problems with WAS.