Exposing affair - pros & cons

[hoosiermama]

I vote, "Don't tell unless you have to". Talk to your spouse first and ask her to stop, have one close friend come with you to ask her to stop, and if she doesn't....get a group from church to come talk to her. If that doesn't help, then expose more.....I believe it is fighting for your marriage in a fair way.

I did exactly that. I thought for sure I could get supportive friends to essentially do an "intervention" since H had clearly lost his mind. Unfortunately, no one had the guts to speak to him, and I got lectured about boundaries and reading H's emails. Which, astonishingly, was considered a larger problem than him leaving his family for someone else. no support from his church community, either. And it moved H from separation to divorce--probably because I was out there, as we used to say, "wearing cellophane shorts" and completely unsupported.

so I would say from my experience, be absolutely sure (altho I was!) that the people you ask to intervene will, indeed, come through in favor of the marriage and not bail because it's uncomfortable.

which is not to say, don't expose. just be sure you have all your ducks in a row before you do so.