Virtually_Handsome, I would have said the same thing before it became an SSM. As long as our marriage was sexual, it was unthinkable for me to even consider an outside relationship. As they say, why go out for hamburger when you can have steak at home?
My sexual thoughts tend to be about things that have a real chance of happening. It took some time, but after years of my wife showing ZERO interest in sex, even during romantic vacations, I no longer saw her as a sexual person with whom I could have erotic experiences. And other things, which could happen, became appealing -- things I would never have considered in a sexual marriage.
I'm not really here to discuss the downside of anything I've done outside the marriage. It doesn't really suggest a solution, and it isn't the source of the problem. What I haven't given up on is if there is any way I can turn my wife around, when I've already tried everything, literally. I've had people tell me it's not going to happen, and they're probably right. I'm out of ideas. It's just that I'm not willing to divorce as a solution, at least not at this point. That's why I like Michelle's approach of doing everything possible to try to bring the marriage back to a sexual one and not giving up quickly, which seems to be popular approach. I've heard too much of the, "No sex -- I'm outa here". Or, "My spouse cheated -- I'm outa here." Like those are solutions. Yeah, right. That's just running away from the problem.
