My H said he wants a D, I'm devastated!

[BeingMe]

Hi Chel! I am so glad you had a good time with your family. Your H is a dufus for ignoring your anniversary, but I guess it was to be expected given the circumstances.

He is also lazy and an emotional coward. Does this sound like the H you had before? You've said before that you have enabled him. This is his MO. He is not going to change for you. He wants you to do all the work of dismantling a M you want to save. He wants sex even though he is leaving. He won't go to counselling. He gives you hope with wondering if you could forgive him, but then says no, he still wants a D. He is spinning you in the wind because he can. So, you have to stop the R talk. Stop the crying in front of him (I know you know this, but no harm in repeating).

Two things we know here ---- he says he wants to leave, yet he hasn't left. Say nothing until he has his bags packed and is walking out the door. Then say, "goodbye". But, you know, I wonder if he has the guts to do it, for real. I think he's hoping you'll do it for him. So, do nothing, but continue with your life --- GAL activities, be pleasant but distant to him, act 'as if'. Do nothing to assist his departure or the D which you don't want.

In the middle of my sitch, I used to pray every morning in my car just before going into work. And, one day, a very clear word was said to me in my head. It was, "patience". I understood then, that I should be patient and wait this out. I think you should be too. I know how hard this is, but keep trying.

Take care.