My H is too in the habit of throwing a tantrum and then hurling D round. Hasn’t done anything about it yet though. And yes I agree it’s normally when we get too near the truth and make them feel guilty. It’s really their issue not ours. And I also get the silent treatment. Are we sure we’re not married to the same H – lol? Still that’s by the by what to do about it?
Firstly I would be an open and honest about where what I’m doing (but then I did have an EA and need to be honest to regain my H’s trust). If we’re trying to build friendship first we should approach it as if we were approaching a friend – would we keep a friend in the dark? Probably not. There’s no need to thrust what you’re doing on your H however just tell him if he or the kids ask. Although it’s not direct it does sort of keep the communication going.
Think hard about the fight the other day, what could you have done to either prevent it or turn it into a positive conversation. How did it descend into a slanging match? Once you’ve worked out your responsibility you could apologise for that. At this point you could say that you are keen to avoid unpleasant confrontations in the future and hope that you can both work to avoid this re occurring. I wouldn’t say that it’s unacceptable as part of your friendship, at the moment he doesn’t want a friendship with you so won’t care whether you find it acceptable or not.
As for the family time, how do you know that he enjoyed it, did he say so or are you assuming that he did. If you are assuming don’t mention that just say that you and the kids enjoyed it, perhaps say that you hoped he did too.
I think keeping it brief might be best, over long and you run the risk of it turning into a R conversation and thus another row.
