UPSIDE DOWN and struggling badly.

[Eskimo Nell]

Phew, I'm back - I've had a hectic day, starting with my counselling session this morning, which went very well. It was good that I cried one tear - that's one more than I have in ages!

Now then, down to the advice:

Everything that you are saying is correct - yes! I have read DR - in fact, there's a copy on my desk as I type this to you. I can especially identify with the characters Carol and Dean on page 181 onwards.

You are so right JCJ - the techniques are counter-intuitive but I am hanging in there and I have now made it for two days without contacting WAH - yes, I was email/text and phoning him which has not worked! Everything in me is screaming out to tell him how I have achieved a 180 today (putting salt in the pool after carrying 50kgs of it all on my own) and yet I know that he would take that so much in his stride - its what he does all the time but it's a huge achievement for me. Yes, I have been totally reliant upon him, which I now know was wrong.

I wouldn't identify with any thing that has caused his MLC in the timescale which you specify but I think that me being out of work since February, coupled with my difficulties in settling in a new country have probably not helped. The more I talked to my counsellor this morning, the more I realised that you are right and H was longing for a break from all his responsibilities. I came out feeling so elated that I had learned a few more things and yet I was sad that H won't consider joining me in counselling as I think that he would have learned about me too from what I revealed. I am positive about my work in the next few weeks with my counsellor.

I don't know if H is still having the EA because we do not talk about it. He feels too guilty and I get too angry. I told him that I thought it was all off and he didn't say yes or no but he was around last weekend and he made me believe that he was not going away this weekend either. (He is currently staying about an hours drive from our home). How do I get to know what's going on there if he won't tell me ... also, trying not to have contact with him also stops me from reading in to things and not seeing him means that I don't get to see the non-verbals! I guess that I just have to wait until he is ready to see/speak to me and then try to read him at that stage.

I hear you on the job front and I am trying! I did do some agency work for five weeks, which I kept quiet about so that I could tuck some money away for my own safety net, however someone told him and he has since demanded that I pay half for everything, even though having done so for August has now used up all of my funds. He was furious about this but I suppose that I can understand his point of view - he just won't see mine.

Thanks for the (((hug))) - it gives reassurance and comfort when there is none coming from other quarters!