... Joan suddenly realized that to preserve her own integrity, she had to go to bat for herself...
At breakfast the next morning, Joan expressed her feelings without focusing on Bill's reaction. "I'm no longer willing to accept how rarely we talk, " she said, "and I'm no longer willing to push you to do it. But don't assume I'm accepting things the way they are because I won't be nagging or criticizing you anymore. For myself, I don't want to be pathetically grateful just because my partner talks to me. Or has oral sex with me. And for you, I don't want you feeling pressured all the time by a screeching wife. I'll interpret what you do from here on as indicating your decision about how you really want to live. I'll make my decisions about my life accordingly"
Bill was stunned! He scrambled to get the conversation on familiar ground. "You're telling me what to do! You're pressuring me! Threatening me!"
"No," said Joan quietly. They both noticed her unusual calmness. "I'm telling you what I'm going to do. I have no idea what you're going to do. That's why I'm scared stiff. I'm threatening myself!" Joan expressed her dissatisfaction with the marital part of her life, and her ambivalence about possibly ending their relationship. She didn't give Bill an ultimatum, but she made her own priorities and desires quite clear.
It's quite a book. A difficult read. But lots of insight.
