I don't know how many here have followed my story, but it has gotten to such an odd place, I don't know how much DB principles apply anymore. I'd really appreciate the input of some of the DB experts. Here are my previous threads:
After my recent talk with my W, she has been reaching out to me in various ways. She initiated a couple very friendly texting "conversations", of the type I might have with someone I'm dating. The first started with her letting me know she was watching a movie we used to watch together, and wanted to know if I remembered it, and the second was when we were having a thunderstorm, and she texted to let me know she was nervous about the power going out.
A couple nights later I broke one of my rules, that of never initiating texting her without a childcare related reason, and I initiated a texting convo myself. She had recently sung a lullaby over speakerphone to my daughters while they were in my care, and I was touched, so I learned how to accompany the song on guitar. I texted her and told her I was touched by her singing, I learned the song on guitar, and I thought it would be fun to try it together. She replied very positively, thanking me for my compliment, was excited to try it together, and asked for my suggestions on other lullabies to sing.
I have expressed concern and frustration about how difficult our separation was going to be financially, and she has given me the best separation deal any of my divorced friends have ever heard of. They are in shock. She is treating me with so much caring and compassion, and I don't know what to make of it. Is it guilt? Is it love? Why would she be so concerned about me in the ending of our M? If she cares that much, why does she want to end the M? Talk about confusing!
When we were M, I was in charge of her business web site, and I've previously told her it's her responsibility now, but she had a pressing need to make a small change to it, so she asked if I would. I said I would, but that I didn't want to feel taken advantage of, so I said she had to repay me by either taking me out to a movie, or making me a pot of her chili, which I very much miss. I wanted to make her make a choice as to whether go out with me or take a pass. She replied and said she'd do both, and she referred to us going to the movie as a date, something she has not done since the day she said she was leaving me, almost a year ago.
Ok, if that was all of it, then it would all be good, but of course here's the kicker. She's still totally wrapped up in an long distance A with OM in another country. Worse yet, she's with him right now. I went to visit my parents with the kids, and she went to visit him. To add to the strangeness, the morning I left with the kids, she texted me several times, telling me she hopes I have a good time, asking if the kids were excited, if we were on time to the airport, etc. I almost texted her back and said "W, if you wanted to come with us, why didn't you ask?" but I held back.
Before I left, I sent her an e-mail giving my final ideas on our separation agreement, and she replied agreeing with most of what I said, thanking me for doing it, then closing by asking "How are you doing this? And doing the texting, etc? Nevermind, no need to answer." What a ridiculous thing to do, ask a question, then tell me to nevermind, rather than just backspace over the question before sending the message!
The first day I was at my parents house, she called and left a message on my cell phone. She was crying and asked if I would have the kids call her. She has since called or texted every day we have been here. The kids also told me she asked them to ask me if I would go with them to a local festival when we get back from our trips. It's like she's pretending I don't know where she's going!
I guess you all get the general idea. So what the h*ll is going on??? Should I even be DBing at this point? Should I make her choose him or me? Should I wait for her to come to me? She is with OM right now as I type this!! This is seriously screwed up! My friends are telling me to STAY AWAY, until she makes a CLEAR DECLARATION of what she wants. I get that, but I also think time spent with me is increasing her feelings toward me.
