Mindblank #5 - Livin' La Vida Limboland...

[mindfull]

I posted that we used to hang in Lake Geneva. We had a lake house on Delavan for about six years, and frequented every possible restaurant non-stop, as I boycotted cooking when I was there.

A few weeks ago, we (the fam) went on a white water rafting trip in Northern WI, almost to MI, and on the way home, stopped at Cafe Calamari in Williams Bay.

I think that's what you were remembering.

How am I?

Today? Exhausted! After a really restless night of sleep, sadness... I have had about three episodes of complete emotional turmoil since I started with this DB approach last November. This was one. (Not sure but it might coincide w/4+ glasses of Pinot consumed...!)

H works out of town all week, leaves on Monday afternoons, comes home Wednesdays for time w/the fam, homecooked meal (ha!), and a little rest. Then isn't back again until late Friday night. He owns a trucking company, and he goes to his customers' hubs and makes sure everyone is loaded correctly, and dispatches all of his drivers from there. He's a busy boy.

In the meantime, it's me with the busier boys, and D18 has just moved out. They both play club soccer, and S12 is playing football for their school now, as well. So, I drive and drive and drive... from 3pm on...

During the day, I sell! God forbid anyone needs anything after 3pm though! You might mess with "the athletes"!

I have really great friends. I have two BFF's, the skinny blonde one w/your birthday, and the ex-next door neighbor. They are the best, and DISHES, too! They both know bits and pieces of my heartache, but nowhere near what anyone here does. It's hard to verbalize. Ya know?

H called today, late am, telling me that skinny, blonde BFF had just called him, and one of D18's best boy friends is leaving for college on Thursday, and wants us three to plan his going away party. (Kind of last minute, huh? And, who has a going away party? Didn't we just drain a keg at your grad party? Seriously!) BFF couldn't get ahold of me, so called H to get his input. He was so tickled to be requested. Not sure why? Guess he loves to be included when he's so far from home!) So, we're taking the D18's best boy (toy) out for an awesome sushi lunch tomorrow. I'll be sad to see him go. (I hate to see you leave, but I love to watch you go! LOL) He's D18's boyfriends, BFF. And, he's a looker!

H needs a serious whack upside the head. If he didn't have such an unconventional family situation, I'd probably not be as forgiving. I know he loves me. I know he needs me. I feel it. I feel like he's dug himself into this hole, and doesn't know how to re-emerge, and when he accidentally does, he starts to see some light again.

Odd.

But, we've come a LONG way, in the past 18 or so months.

Confidence will come as these 15 lbs come off. I don't feel like myself. I have no personal courage. I've always been a DISH, too! Instead I feel a bit like a bowl!