W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[Deep]

Hi,

breakaway: I hope I didn't come across negatively. I was not referring to your exchange with Robx specifically - just making some points from my own perspective. We all have our own limits on what to endure in a M, and it looks like you were put through hell.

I guess with WASs, it's impossible to draw the line sometimes. What qualifies as unacceptable violations of the the give-and-take needed in every M? What goes through the minds of people when they enter WAS mode and twist and turn reality into a format that suits their mindset? When is it a genuine case of simply one spouse driving another into desperation?

One of the issues (and points I raised) I struggled with was that if things really bad, then put in the effort to try and work things out, or in the WORST scenario, walk. Having an A is not helping is it?

Pigskin, robx, trying, tristan: Shortly after I started posting here, I realised Gucci actually referred to my sitch as another "example". And I got a bit of a earful from Sandi about it too. Now, I definitely agree that there is no one thing that will work in all sitchs, nor do I necessarily agree with gucci's views 100%. What I _can_ say is that W underwent quite a change when she felt threatened herself. (No, I did not plan it that way).

Background again: W had agreed to end A but was in contact with OM (her client) still. I had had about 7 months of the usual script: "OM is a really good, kind, and decent man", "we are best friends who found a connection and never meant this to happen", "we can still be friends", " I love you but am in love with him, but will try to work things out for the kids" ad nauseum. The NC boundary was obviously not adhered to.

Like Trying, I detached more and more with time. I had a very good friend (what Sandi called my OW), who had been there for me in the first 2 months especially and helped keep me sane. It was only later I found out she caught her H cheating too 1 week after I confided in her about my M issues. So yeah, she was in a lot of pain too, and we got very close and shared a lot. Kind of like a personalised version of this forum in some ways I guess. To be clear about this, I kept the lines clean. W knew I was talking to her and went through my phone one day when I was in the bathroom. She completely freaked out and demanded access to emails, online chats, phone records everything (she got it). And yeah, W then demanded NC with friend! She felt she could not deal with me being so close and confiding with another woman in any way - period.

When I pointed out the obvious - that while we were close, we were truly friends only and to compare W's reaction with what she did herself - W went into a flux of denial and having to face reality for a few weeks. Having what she felt was the shoe on the other foot DID seem to help wake her up.

There were (are) a million other things happening that impacted our M, mainly for the good. But the probability that people will continue to take things for granted as long as they CAN take them for granted is I think pretty valid. How you snap them out of that mode is another thing entirely.