Mother's Day Disaster

[ACJ]

Thanks Kat. In the main I am a more positive thinker than I used to be. I tend to use this space to post negative thoughts as a way to get them out there. Hence the reason why I know I come across as glass half empty sometimes.

Just a snippet that I heard ---- the older a man is, the least likely he is to have a boy.

That's interesting. V. worried about my own children in all of this. D19 refused to answer her dad's call when he tried to phone her yesterday to tell her his 'good' news. D14 hasn't said v. much but I can tell she is hurting. S17 (today) told me he was upset b/c it's another girl! When I dug deeper about this he said nothing was ever going to take the hurt awy but a brother might have made it a little easier to bear. As usual H's timimg was 'spot on'. He never even considered that, telling your current children 48hrs before one of them has a bday what the sex of thier unborn sibling is, was maybe not a wise move.

It's 4.10am here and I'm posting b/c my head is all over the place. I thought I had coped well with knowledge of decree nisi yesterday but now I can't stop crying. The emotions include my most recent rejection and at first I couldn't understnad why. Then it hit me like a brick wall. All this talk of wanting kids etc has opened up more wounds than Ithought. I had thought it was just the potnetial infidelity bit but I know realise it is also down to the wanting a much younger woman issue. Whilst my recent date made me alive and attractive again with the way it ended it has also made me feel old and passed by again.

Anyway, ACJ, you deserve someone who is going to give you his all, not just the odd date, unless that's what you want. It's totally weird to be discussing children on the first date.

This is mainly why I decided that I couldn't just go out with this man for 'fun'. He has his own bagage and promised himself some time ago that he was always going to be brutally honest in any future Rs. Not sure he has assessed how that affects other people's mentality though. Ironically while I know I am portraying him as a selfish man I did sense that deep down he is a nice man which is why I think I am so confused.